(no subject)
I guess I never really was a social person... I mean, I socialized and had friends and stuff, but I would much rather be alone, watching a movie by myself, reading, writing, or painting or doing semi-self destructive things which are always hot and an a+ on my list.
I think one of the reasons was that I wasn't ready to be rejected, and so I isolated myself until I finally believed that the only person I needed to seek acceptance from was myself.
And at times I didn't even accept myself (see striked text above), but mostly I did.
And then everyone started forgetting about me because I never wanted to hang out. I realized I did go out with people alot more than I thought, so when they suddenly weren't there for me any longer, I craved to be social. Due to this, I became friends with people just so I could have friends. For example, I dated some boys I didn't really like and did stuff with them that I didn't really enjoy/want to do, but it was alright, I thought, because at least I was with someone.
And then I started becoming closer with my cousins and being only semi-friends with people from school. And everyone else kind of faded, I guess, and eventually so did everyone in my school and all I was left with was Jessica and Megan and it was amazing. Then I started stealing Jess' friends, which was extensively fun (and i still partake activity in... YES!), and going to the ghetto (check!) and forgetting Franklin Lakes and forgeting Wycoff and forgetting Ramapo and the stupid people around me. I guess I kind of realized that it's alright not to seek acceptance/friendships in the people around you because there are so many more people in the world than them.
semi tangent: Sure, I only have a limited number of friends in my highschool... but really, i'm quite content with that. At least I have these friends and I don't really make fake friendships anymore too much I guess.
i start complaining -here-, so ignore me:
The reason for this post before I got to this point: The thing is, though, now I'm kind of lonely. I don't mean generally, like in the past week or month or anything. I mean right now, this second. I wish I had a friend who lived closer to me and was over, or I wish my friends could drive.
Yeah, ok, that was the point of my post, but I don't know if i'm still feeling the same way anymore. I think it's because no one has texted me in like 20 years (as in 20 hours... ehh, ish) and everyone has their away messages on and i never get e-mails and i've been home sick forever except for friday night, which was a nice night.
I think one of the reasons was that I wasn't ready to be rejected, and so I isolated myself until I finally believed that the only person I needed to seek acceptance from was myself.
And at times I didn't even accept myself (see striked text above), but mostly I did.
And then everyone started forgetting about me because I never wanted to hang out. I realized I did go out with people alot more than I thought, so when they suddenly weren't there for me any longer, I craved to be social. Due to this, I became friends with people just so I could have friends. For example, I dated some boys I didn't really like and did stuff with them that I didn't really enjoy/want to do, but it was alright, I thought, because at least I was with someone.
And then I started becoming closer with my cousins and being only semi-friends with people from school. And everyone else kind of faded, I guess, and eventually so did everyone in my school and all I was left with was Jessica and Megan and it was amazing. Then I started stealing Jess' friends, which was extensively fun (and i still partake activity in... YES!), and going to the ghetto (check!) and forgetting Franklin Lakes and forgeting Wycoff and forgetting Ramapo and the stupid people around me. I guess I kind of realized that it's alright not to seek acceptance/friendships in the people around you because there are so many more people in the world than them.
semi tangent: Sure, I only have a limited number of friends in my highschool... but really, i'm quite content with that. At least I have these friends and I don't really make fake friendships anymore too much I guess.
i start complaining -here-, so ignore me:
The reason for this post before I got to this point: The thing is, though, now I'm kind of lonely. I don't mean generally, like in the past week or month or anything. I mean right now, this second. I wish I had a friend who lived closer to me and was over, or I wish my friends could drive.
Yeah, ok, that was the point of my post, but I don't know if i'm still feeling the same way anymore. I think it's because no one has texted me in like 20 years (as in 20 hours... ehh, ish) and everyone has their away messages on and i never get e-mails and i've been home sick forever except for friday night, which was a nice night.