umm..

[__briidggette]

well to be honest right now i want to write one of those long depressing entries. but i'm not cuz it will probable make me feel worse. but who knows. umm it's friday and i didn't go to school again.. i have to go to the doctor so yeah.. idk blahh umm the past few days been pretty umm decent but i still feel idk. i am really starting to wonder whats wrong with me. what will it take for me to be happy. cuz i mean good things are happeneing i just keep seeing the bad in everything. and the more boys come along.. the more i realize they arent like him, they never will be, and they just don't compare. i mean when i'm around them its not the same.. its not the way i felt when i was around him.. i didn't get that feeling i get when i was around him.. i dont feel like i did when i was with him. and i guess thats just frustrating me. i mean am i going to feel this way forever? am i ever going to find someone who comes close to him. thats what im scared of. im scared of going through my whole life and being alone forever. i wonder if he still reads my journal.. i hope he does.. i know we dont talk anymore but i want him to know how i feel and if i cant tell him myself i guess this will have to do. so yeah.. im okay but then i see him everyday. i have to walk by him and pretend i never even met him.. that hurts so bad :/

and ugh, my fricken arm hurts so bad. i don't know what happened to it.... it just hurts.

ummm.. todays friday thats a good thing right? im probable going to Dane's if the parents let. i have a fever and feel like shit :( so they might not let me go. but i hope they do so i can get my mind off of things for awhile. ugh, everythings fine, but screwed up at the same time. its so messed up. grr.

i miss BJ so much.. he kept me going and now i don't even know where hes at. i don't know if i want to know.. i'm so scared of losing him. i hope i talk to him soon..:/

well enough of that. peace out.