one of those long depressing entries..
well i haven't done one of those long depressing entries in awhile that let everyone know exactly how i feel so i guess it's time.. i guess it would help if i knew how i felt right? well this is gunna be really random and im just gunna say whatever pops up.
i hate him.. i love him.. i hate that i love him. if that makes any sense.. today i didn't go to school i just layed in bed all day long.. and all i could think about was him. why.. i have no idea.. i hate him so much so why do i keep thinking about him, about how much i miss him.. even though i don't. well i lie. i do miss him.. but i don't miss being his friend.. i miss being his everything. i remember everything like it was yesterday.. all the times he would call and i would ignore them cuz i was mad.. all the times we faught over the dumbest things.. the times we cried together. how i was always scared i would lose him and he would always reassure me that he loved me and couldn't live without me. that i was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.. all this is now lies but at one time he did say it and he did mean it and he did love me :/ but not anymore.. now i'm just a picture in the back of his memory and that's all i will ever be.. i used to have hope but now i have nothing.. i really have nothing left.. i could die right now and he wouldn't even notice.. why is he so happy without me and why am i so lost and confused without him.. why.. why me.. why can't i be the happy one. why am i the one always getting hurt.. why.. the memories just kill me.. they really do.. our first kiss. the first time we held hands.. the first time we said i love you and meant it.. its all so blah.. i hate myself for losing you.. i hate myself for trusting you.. i hatemyself for everything..
besides feeling like shit.. i've been feeling ugh.
every single freaking guy that comes along ends up screwing me over.. wanna know more.. well lets see.. there was nick.. he decided he wouldnt talk to me anymore.. i still don't know why.. he just stopped talking to me.. then there was jared.. jared.. he still to this day don't know what he wants.. one day he wants me the next he doesn't.. i can't keep up.. BJ.. i dont even know if hes alive.. i mean.. i haven't heard from him in forever.. and i don't wanna know if hes alive.. cuz if he died.. then i don't know if i can handle it....
then there was kerry.. yeah i liked him blah blah blah.. and wait HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND. isn't that just great!? i know jeezz.. are their any decent guys out there?
so yeah.. thats my luck with guys.. i dont really wanna talk about my family issues cuz personally i dont want everyone reading about them so if you wanna know.. ask.
uhhhhh.. friends.. hah.. hah.. hah... hah.. thats all i gotta say
you know i realized something.. the ones you think will always be there won't be. and the ones you didn't expect to be there will be.. funny huh
oh and for a song..
I can't remember the last time we kissed good-bye
All our "I love you's" were just not enough to survive
Something your eyes never told me
But it's only now too plain to see
Brilliant disguise when you hold me
And I'm free
I've been thinking and here's what I've come to conclude
Sometimes the distance is more than two people can use
But how could I have known girl
It was time and not space you would need
Darling tonight I could hold you and you would know
But would you believe
There's a light in your eyes that I used to see
There's a place in your heart where I used to be
Was I wrong to assume that you were waiting for me
There's a light in your eyes
Did you leave that light burning for me
Cards and phone calls and photograph pictures of you
Constant reminder of all the things you get used to
Is there a chance in hell or heaven
That there's still something here to build on
Or do you just pick up the pieces after they fall
But after all
There's a light in your eyes that I used to see
And a song in the words that you spoke to me
Was I wrong to believe in your melody
There's a light in your eyes
Did you leave that light burning for me
Should I keep on waiting or does love keep on fading away
Fading away
It's been a while since I've seen you so how have you been
Did you get my letter I wrote you, but I did not send
I tried to call your old number
But the voice that I heard on the phone
I recognized but she told me the number was wrong
There's a light in my eyes but it's too bright to see
And a pain in my heart where you used to be
Guess I was wrong to assume that you were waiting here for me
There's a light in your eyes
Did you leave that light burning for me
...yeah :/
so maybe someone can help me out.. leave me some comments or suggestions.. please
i hate him.. i love him.. i hate that i love him. if that makes any sense.. today i didn't go to school i just layed in bed all day long.. and all i could think about was him. why.. i have no idea.. i hate him so much so why do i keep thinking about him, about how much i miss him.. even though i don't. well i lie. i do miss him.. but i don't miss being his friend.. i miss being his everything. i remember everything like it was yesterday.. all the times he would call and i would ignore them cuz i was mad.. all the times we faught over the dumbest things.. the times we cried together. how i was always scared i would lose him and he would always reassure me that he loved me and couldn't live without me. that i was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.. all this is now lies but at one time he did say it and he did mean it and he did love me :/ but not anymore.. now i'm just a picture in the back of his memory and that's all i will ever be.. i used to have hope but now i have nothing.. i really have nothing left.. i could die right now and he wouldn't even notice.. why is he so happy without me and why am i so lost and confused without him.. why.. why me.. why can't i be the happy one. why am i the one always getting hurt.. why.. the memories just kill me.. they really do.. our first kiss. the first time we held hands.. the first time we said i love you and meant it.. its all so blah.. i hate myself for losing you.. i hate myself for trusting you.. i hatemyself for everything..
besides feeling like shit.. i've been feeling ugh.
every single freaking guy that comes along ends up screwing me over.. wanna know more.. well lets see.. there was nick.. he decided he wouldnt talk to me anymore.. i still don't know why.. he just stopped talking to me.. then there was jared.. jared.. he still to this day don't know what he wants.. one day he wants me the next he doesn't.. i can't keep up.. BJ.. i dont even know if hes alive.. i mean.. i haven't heard from him in forever.. and i don't wanna know if hes alive.. cuz if he died.. then i don't know if i can handle it....
then there was kerry.. yeah i liked him blah blah blah.. and wait HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND. isn't that just great!? i know jeezz.. are their any decent guys out there?
so yeah.. thats my luck with guys.. i dont really wanna talk about my family issues cuz personally i dont want everyone reading about them so if you wanna know.. ask.
uhhhhh.. friends.. hah.. hah.. hah... hah.. thats all i gotta say
you know i realized something.. the ones you think will always be there won't be. and the ones you didn't expect to be there will be.. funny huh
oh and for a song..
I can't remember the last time we kissed good-bye
All our "I love you's" were just not enough to survive
Something your eyes never told me
But it's only now too plain to see
Brilliant disguise when you hold me
And I'm free
I've been thinking and here's what I've come to conclude
Sometimes the distance is more than two people can use
But how could I have known girl
It was time and not space you would need
Darling tonight I could hold you and you would know
But would you believe
There's a light in your eyes that I used to see
There's a place in your heart where I used to be
Was I wrong to assume that you were waiting for me
There's a light in your eyes
Did you leave that light burning for me
Cards and phone calls and photograph pictures of you
Constant reminder of all the things you get used to
Is there a chance in hell or heaven
That there's still something here to build on
Or do you just pick up the pieces after they fall
But after all
There's a light in your eyes that I used to see
And a song in the words that you spoke to me
Was I wrong to believe in your melody
There's a light in your eyes
Did you leave that light burning for me
Should I keep on waiting or does love keep on fading away
Fading away
It's been a while since I've seen you so how have you been
Did you get my letter I wrote you, but I did not send
I tried to call your old number
But the voice that I heard on the phone
I recognized but she told me the number was wrong
There's a light in my eyes but it's too bright to see
And a pain in my heart where you used to be
Guess I was wrong to assume that you were waiting here for me
There's a light in your eyes
Did you leave that light burning for me
...yeah :/
so maybe someone can help me out.. leave me some comments or suggestions.. please