(no subject)
There's two things about yesterday and the other day that stand out:
1) I was a ball of nerves!! Yeah. From the bar to my own apartment.. It wasn't these locations that were the causes, but just where it was all happening. I had myself completely on edge. It's like that feeling... I don't even know what it should be compared to because it was only just me, getting myself nervous enough over going out for a drink. I'd barely say enough to keep a conversation flowing. It was scary (hi jaime) because I couldn't understand why my mind was so jarred. Normally, I'm not that uncomfortable.. And not even a beer was enough to loosen me up. But the bar wasn't where I wanted to be at afterall. It's a place I'd go to with Brian or any of my friends because that's just a casual outting, and besides, we're going to be bonding over bullshit none of us will remember about. The bar doesn't seem like a place that offers the kind of intimacy I was looking for with a date. Right.. It was a date. Or it would've been. It got cut short, though. I was like, "Okay, we have to get out of here.." blah blah, throw in a reason why and an apology. We were there long enough to get a drink, but I left mine at the counter.
The next day we're at my apartment and I figure that I can make it up to him (by having sex. NO, JKJKJK. Why is it that I'm expecting something like that to come up?). I felt like an ass for bailing out. So we're watching a movie and I'm thinking about how we're free to say anything like "This is how I feel.." or "I have mono", but I can't even work up the nerve to say the first thing because I'm so nervous again.. Haha, it happened again, and I'm positive that my face screamed wuss as I tried to pay attention to Teen Wolf.
2) But he was amazing. That didn't go unnoticed during the last two days. I'd say ":x" sticks out, but amazing seems to fit. He had a lot of patience with me while I wasn't acting like myself. And... I'm lacking a lot of my brain right now, so I don't know how to explain a lot of this. All I could do before those two days was anticipate what could happen. It made Thanksgiving with my family a little difficult to bare. Any time I was being nervous around him was because I'd stress over leaving some kind of wrong impression. :\ ..God, I can't think of anything else I want to say in this entry. I'd rather save some things and tell it to him when he's around.
Apparently, I don't like to drop names. Looking at apartments today. And by the way, where has Dumpling been?
1) I was a ball of nerves!! Yeah. From the bar to my own apartment.. It wasn't these locations that were the causes, but just where it was all happening. I had myself completely on edge. It's like that feeling... I don't even know what it should be compared to because it was only just me, getting myself nervous enough over going out for a drink. I'd barely say enough to keep a conversation flowing. It was scary (hi jaime) because I couldn't understand why my mind was so jarred. Normally, I'm not that uncomfortable.. And not even a beer was enough to loosen me up. But the bar wasn't where I wanted to be at afterall. It's a place I'd go to with Brian or any of my friends because that's just a casual outting, and besides, we're going to be bonding over bullshit none of us will remember about. The bar doesn't seem like a place that offers the kind of intimacy I was looking for with a date. Right.. It was a date. Or it would've been. It got cut short, though. I was like, "Okay, we have to get out of here.." blah blah, throw in a reason why and an apology. We were there long enough to get a drink, but I left mine at the counter.
The next day we're at my apartment and I figure that I can make it up to him (by having sex. NO, JKJKJK. Why is it that I'm expecting something like that to come up?). I felt like an ass for bailing out. So we're watching a movie and I'm thinking about how we're free to say anything like "This is how I feel.." or "I have mono", but I can't even work up the nerve to say the first thing because I'm so nervous again.. Haha, it happened again, and I'm positive that my face screamed wuss as I tried to pay attention to Teen Wolf.
2) But he was amazing. That didn't go unnoticed during the last two days. I'd say ":x" sticks out, but amazing seems to fit. He had a lot of patience with me while I wasn't acting like myself. And... I'm lacking a lot of my brain right now, so I don't know how to explain a lot of this. All I could do before those two days was anticipate what could happen. It made Thanksgiving with my family a little difficult to bare. Any time I was being nervous around him was because I'd stress over leaving some kind of wrong impression. :\ ..God, I can't think of anything else I want to say in this entry. I'd rather save some things and tell it to him when he's around.
Apparently, I don't like to drop names. Looking at apartments today. And by the way, where has Dumpling been?