hello friends.

[__bitter1sweet]

I'm really not a fan of this thing anymore, but I need some sort of 24/7 outlet for everything that's going on. my life is a little bit in shambles right now- I'm changing my major. it's taken me almost 3 full semesters to be able to do it, but I'm just not happy in education, so I'm changing to something else that I feel will make me happier and be more practical and also get me where I want to go. the only problem is, my desired major doesn't actually exist and I'm running into a lot of roadblocks and am almost to the breaking point. I had a meeting with the assistant dean of the music school today, which was both encouraging and discouraging in some aspects. Friday is D-day basically, because I meet with one of the heads of the TAM, or theatre arts management program in the theatre school, which is what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to change to a B.M.O. degree, music with an outside field in theatre arts management. that doesn't exist, so my option right now is to take a theatre minor as my outside field and take all of my elective credits with a management concentration. an independent study with the musical theatre and opera director is also an option at this point. I'm just very confused, and have been more stressed in the past week than I have ever been, ever. Two uplifting points in all of this- I'm moving next semester to an on-campus apartment with my friend Shannon and her housemates. I'll still have a single but it's much bigger, and I'll be living with some great people in an actual two-story apartment with a kitchen, living room, 2 bathrooms, and 5 other crazy roommates. and, the other amazing thing is that after Chris and I broke up we stopped talking over break, came back and realized that we needed time apart, we had it, and now everything is 10 times better than it was before. he is my rock in all of this craziness, even though he's having a really hard time with things right now too. so we're there for each other and having that stability has been really important when I feel like everything else in my life is up in the air. I've talked to a lot of people here about my decision to change majors and based on my reasons and just how I talk about it and how much more passion I have for theatre than for education, they all feel I'm doing the right thing. including the dean, who told me that it was obvious by the fact that my eyes kept lighting up as I talked about directing and the theatre that this was the right thing to do. so until the change actually happens, I'm sort of in life limbo and it's incredibly frustrating to see what you want and not know how to reach it. so I'm just hoping at this point that I can make things work out.

I also have barely been talking to anyone from home recently, and this is partially why, so I do miss you guys and I hope everything's going well. and Jessie Hooker if you read this, I want sooo badly to come see Urinetown but I have concerts every day this weekend and can't make it home, but you will rock and I hope everything goes well.

xoxo