(no subject)
on a stoplight, green means go and yellow means yield. but on a banana, it's like the opposite. green means, hold on.. and yellow means go. and red means, where the hell did you get that banana??
if carrots got you drunk, then rabbits would be fucked up.
my apartment is infested with koala bears. its the cutest infestation ever. theyre a lot cuter than cockroaches, when i turn on the light the koala bears scattter. im like, wait... let me hold one of you. and feed you a leaf.
a guy told me he liked cherries.. i waited till he said tomatoes.. but.. i realized he just liked cherries- okay that joke is ridiculous.
sometimes i wave to people i don't know, but sometimes its dangerous to wave to people you don't know, cause what if they dont have a hand? they're like, you're just bein' cocky.
i saw a human pyramid before, it was very unnecessary. it didn't need to exist.
i play sports. no i don't.. what the fuck.
if you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down the sidewalk and he fell, that would be completely unacceptable.
aw shit, this place is haunted. i can not be funny when i'm frightened.
i think pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. but on the days that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. pringles is a laid-back country, they said, fuck it! cut em up!
i like a escalator cause a escalator can never break. it just becomes stairs.
my friend;s like, you know what i like? i like mashed potatoes.
i'm like, DUDE you have to give me time to guess.
if you have to release bad news to the public, it will help if you are not ugly
if carrots got you drunk, then rabbits would be fucked up.
my apartment is infested with koala bears. its the cutest infestation ever. theyre a lot cuter than cockroaches, when i turn on the light the koala bears scattter. im like, wait... let me hold one of you. and feed you a leaf.
a guy told me he liked cherries.. i waited till he said tomatoes.. but.. i realized he just liked cherries- okay that joke is ridiculous.
sometimes i wave to people i don't know, but sometimes its dangerous to wave to people you don't know, cause what if they dont have a hand? they're like, you're just bein' cocky.
i saw a human pyramid before, it was very unnecessary. it didn't need to exist.
i play sports. no i don't.. what the fuck.
if you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down the sidewalk and he fell, that would be completely unacceptable.
aw shit, this place is haunted. i can not be funny when i'm frightened.
i think pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. but on the days that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. pringles is a laid-back country, they said, fuck it! cut em up!
i like a escalator cause a escalator can never break. it just becomes stairs.
my friend;s like, you know what i like? i like mashed potatoes.
i'm like, DUDE you have to give me time to guess.
if you have to release bad news to the public, it will help if you are not ugly