they made a statue of us, and put it on a mountain top...
wow, talk about an amazing life.
i love my family, my friends and everything good that's come of everything bad.
when paul had first passed away i didn't really know much, i didn't know what to do or where to turn or how to act. and at first i took it so negatively, and i hated everything and everyone. but then i began to hang out with the kids that are now my closest friends and i've really come to realize that the people you allow yourself to be surrounded by are who influences you, and if you choose to pick them wisely, well then i believe you'll be just fine. and everyone i have choosen are absolutely more than fine.
no matter what kind of mood i'm in, i'm always happy around them and it's really helped to suppress my depression a lot, in a way it's almost a life saver. i mean you see kids all the time that do some really drastic things, like committing suicide, because everything in their lives aren't perfect.
but honestly i've come to see that nothing's ever going to be perfect--nothing in this whole entire world will ever be perfect, unless you make it be. and even though perfect is in some senses unrealistic, it's not. perfect is your own creation, it's what YOU see things as being and your ideal images of things. and to me, life is absolutely perfect.
of course it hurts to have lost my brother and being that we were relatively close, hurts even more. but he wouldn't like to see me living in my own hell which i've created from my sorrows, so why do it, it would only hurt him more. and at this point, he's been through way too much.
everytime i'm driving in a car with whoever, and i hear a song that makes me feel that much better for the 2 or 3 minutes it on, the kind of song you wish would just never end it makes me realize, it's not so much the song that's influencing me, but the people i'm surrounded by--because they are the ones who make your moods and they are the ones to mold your character, they are who you will end up thanking for who you have become, not some record label or film director. it's those you've been around all too much for all too long.
it's funny how i usually get sick of hanging out with the same kids every night over and over again, and you'd think that since we don't do much but sit around either a parking lot, a beach or a school that this would happen even faster--it hasn't. i'm so glad with everyone i am constantly finding myself around. for the most part we don't do anything too exciting but we manage to have a great time.
it's all who you allow yourself to be and who you allow yourself to be around.
i don't know why i'm rambling on so much about this but i feel like everyone should really know this, aside from my drunken "omg i love you's" which i often say but always mean. i think i just needed this to be typed.
my sweet 16 got cancelled but that's okay. last night surpasses any extravagant sweet 16 ever imaginable, we all started off at the pits just chillen with decorations and a pinata. then tom invited everyone to his house and from there on it was just one big party.
i was constantly reminded of how much you all really do mean to me. and i think what hit me the most was the rather emotional card from jen king, which went something like this post.
what i guess i'm really trying to say is that i am so thankful for everything in my life and even everything that's not--i hope that most if not all of you get to read this, because sometimes it feels to good to hear. i have learned from so many past mistakes, and i'm so glad that i never take for granted what i've got.
and honestly it's made me who i've become.
and one more thing before i end off-- jenni maddssss, you have always been there for me and like it was said last night "sina i've known you longer than anyone here except mickey and i love it" i feel the same way and i know i couldn't have asked for a better childhood, hang in there with everything you're doing amazing already but know, i'm always here no matter what--just like you've been for me.
to all the rest of you this holds true and thanks for making me into the person i've become. thanks for influincing me with the positive and the negative, and helping me learn from my mistakes, but most of all thanks for always beinggg there through everything.
my mind has been all over the place for the past few days, mostly because i don't know anymore what's going on with him, but this entry needed to be done. and so i think i should end with the note that, even if nothing were to become of us, i'd be okay with that, just don't let me go as a friend. i hold you all so close and it would kill me to lose you as a friend, any of you. consider that, and while you continue to read this--consider me.
with that all being said--quiet a mouthful eh?--i'm going to bed to sleep and help regather my scattered brain a little bit. i've got my first full day of classes tomorrow and then work. hopefully i'll be out afterwards, appriciating all that i've just rambelled on about.
goodnight, i love you allllll<3
i love my family, my friends and everything good that's come of everything bad.
when paul had first passed away i didn't really know much, i didn't know what to do or where to turn or how to act. and at first i took it so negatively, and i hated everything and everyone. but then i began to hang out with the kids that are now my closest friends and i've really come to realize that the people you allow yourself to be surrounded by are who influences you, and if you choose to pick them wisely, well then i believe you'll be just fine. and everyone i have choosen are absolutely more than fine.
no matter what kind of mood i'm in, i'm always happy around them and it's really helped to suppress my depression a lot, in a way it's almost a life saver. i mean you see kids all the time that do some really drastic things, like committing suicide, because everything in their lives aren't perfect.
but honestly i've come to see that nothing's ever going to be perfect--nothing in this whole entire world will ever be perfect, unless you make it be. and even though perfect is in some senses unrealistic, it's not. perfect is your own creation, it's what YOU see things as being and your ideal images of things. and to me, life is absolutely perfect.
of course it hurts to have lost my brother and being that we were relatively close, hurts even more. but he wouldn't like to see me living in my own hell which i've created from my sorrows, so why do it, it would only hurt him more. and at this point, he's been through way too much.
everytime i'm driving in a car with whoever, and i hear a song that makes me feel that much better for the 2 or 3 minutes it on, the kind of song you wish would just never end it makes me realize, it's not so much the song that's influencing me, but the people i'm surrounded by--because they are the ones who make your moods and they are the ones to mold your character, they are who you will end up thanking for who you have become, not some record label or film director. it's those you've been around all too much for all too long.
it's funny how i usually get sick of hanging out with the same kids every night over and over again, and you'd think that since we don't do much but sit around either a parking lot, a beach or a school that this would happen even faster--it hasn't. i'm so glad with everyone i am constantly finding myself around. for the most part we don't do anything too exciting but we manage to have a great time.
it's all who you allow yourself to be and who you allow yourself to be around.
i don't know why i'm rambling on so much about this but i feel like everyone should really know this, aside from my drunken "omg i love you's" which i often say but always mean. i think i just needed this to be typed.
my sweet 16 got cancelled but that's okay. last night surpasses any extravagant sweet 16 ever imaginable, we all started off at the pits just chillen with decorations and a pinata. then tom invited everyone to his house and from there on it was just one big party.
i was constantly reminded of how much you all really do mean to me. and i think what hit me the most was the rather emotional card from jen king, which went something like this post.
what i guess i'm really trying to say is that i am so thankful for everything in my life and even everything that's not--i hope that most if not all of you get to read this, because sometimes it feels to good to hear. i have learned from so many past mistakes, and i'm so glad that i never take for granted what i've got.
and honestly it's made me who i've become.
and one more thing before i end off-- jenni maddssss, you have always been there for me and like it was said last night "sina i've known you longer than anyone here except mickey and i love it" i feel the same way and i know i couldn't have asked for a better childhood, hang in there with everything you're doing amazing already but know, i'm always here no matter what--just like you've been for me.
to all the rest of you this holds true and thanks for making me into the person i've become. thanks for influincing me with the positive and the negative, and helping me learn from my mistakes, but most of all thanks for always beinggg there through everything.
my mind has been all over the place for the past few days, mostly because i don't know anymore what's going on with him, but this entry needed to be done. and so i think i should end with the note that, even if nothing were to become of us, i'd be okay with that, just don't let me go as a friend. i hold you all so close and it would kill me to lose you as a friend, any of you. consider that, and while you continue to read this--consider me.
with that all being said--quiet a mouthful eh?--i'm going to bed to sleep and help regather my scattered brain a little bit. i've got my first full day of classes tomorrow and then work. hopefully i'll be out afterwards, appriciating all that i've just rambelled on about.
goodnight, i love you allllll<3