ugh.... guys....
alright.. oh god i dont even know where to start. i feel like a fuckin idiot.. and terrible terrible girlfriend. so i was dating cody for like wat seemed like forever, and i had been with him for even longer, probably like 3 years. however him and i were really close, and the relationship was great and all, and then i just started losing feeling for him towards the end for some reason, a lot of issues dealing with lack of trust and shit, shit i dont wanna get into. so then i met dustin.. whom i am dating now.. and i met dustin while i was still dating cody.. and i spent a fucking weekend with him and troy. and troys the one who introduced me to him really at danielles surprise birthday party. so ya we hung out that weekend, and right after that i decided i had feelings for him, and he was fucking gorgeous im not joking.i know fucking stupid. im an idiot i swear. so ya somehow it gets around the school, a rumor went around, and around a week later i ended up dumping cody.. and started going out with dustin. now dont get me wrong dustin is a great boyfriend. he is an awesome listener, and helps me and gives me advice. and thats awesome. because i never had that with cody. but as you can tell i really jumped to conclusions with the cody and him situation.. i just like practically immediately decided i had feelings for dustin.. and it just sounds so ridiculous. however, yes this story has a point, i promise.. im just not making it... so tonight i met this kid named... we'll call him kevin. so ya i met kevin and this kid named, we'll call him roxy haha, through travis, danielles *good friend*(haha)... so ya anyways hes fuckin hot as well! and i caught myself staring at him all night.. and couldnt help but notice how sweet he was. but of course im going to look at the pros of the night. so ya now im really confused. because i know that of course i dont like this kevin kid, fuck i dont even know him. but thats wat i said about dustin too... UGH you see wat i mean! I AM an idiot! once again im trying to jump to conclusions.. and i immediately wanted to make myself think i had feelings for this kid. its so gay. cause like he can drive... and hes fuckin hot... and he seemed really sweet.. and the best of all he wasnt shy! because i mean i completely admit i am such chicken shit when it comes to making the first move, i want the guy to do it! and im not scared of that by any means. i just think its the guys job, and their place to do so i guess. i dont know. so ya dustin has not made any moves on me! and i fuckin want him to kiss me! i just cant kiss him first because i know, im chicken shit when it comes to stuff like that.. so there is another downside to him. however i DO like dustin. i can talk to him about a lot. and thats great. however now im having the difficulty with answering the question of... 'wat do i really want'... do i want a boyfriend? do i just want a good time? do i want a long term relationship? FUCK I DONT FUCKIN KNOW. its making me so mad. i dont know wat to do about it. and i know most ppls reaction would just be, quit thinking ahead like you do, and stay with dustin. so wat im going to do, is wait until tomorrow, and see how the night goes.. and decide how my feelings for him are. and im going to talk to him the next chance i get about the problems im having with and our 'no touch' factor haha as danielle likes to call it. and about him not calling me, and us not seeing eachother and shit like that. because its really confusing me.... and im also going to somehow try and talk to travis about the kevin kid, like the next time danielle talks to him ill ask if i can ask some questions or some shit, or hopefully and the more easier he'll just get online sometime soon. sooo ya im really sick of fucking typing so im just gonna go to bed or something.. see ya. <3