going on myspace also, per request of Robert
Sometimes I feel like the whole world hates me. Except for Amanda, I only feel she hates me when I call her numerous times and she doesn't answer. Somehow I always think she's mad at me, even when I didn't do anything to piss her off. I think I have problems with myself.
I'm such a bitch, and I don't mean to be, but I have views on certain subjects and if no one agrees with them, I tend to not care and keep pushing my point until they agree. Well, not with everyone, usually just with Robert.
I don't mean to be mean, but that's all I can be is just me. &&I am whatever you say I am. If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
I KNOW I'm a bitch, I just don't like to hear it out of other peoples mouths. Makes me go off &&just prove that I really am.
but for certain things, I think I should be allowed to make the rules, for I follow every single thing Robert wants to do and RARELY do the things I want to. &&CONSIDERING, it's my car we use to go everywhere, &&MY miles that are racking up on that car, &&if anything BREAKS I'm the one who has to take it to get fixed, &&scrounge money up from family to pay for my shit, then I do believe I can say who gets in, when, where we go, and if I don't want to pick someone up, or I don't want to go out somewhere, then there should be NO argument.
Nobody ever offers to come pick US up.
When is the last time we got gas money?
My odometer can't rewind itself, &&I have RACKED UP (drum roll please) 32,000 miles in ONE year. I'm sick of this shit. I'm going to have no car by the time I'm 20.
HELLO? Doesn't ANYONE understand what the fuck I'm going to go through with a baby? Doesn't ANYONE care that we are FLAT broke? No, they just want to "hang out" &&smoke our weed, &&get a ride somewhere. Well, get your own damned car. Or learn the bus system. SOMETHING!
This is how you can tell who your REAL friends are. The ones who say "Well, come here then you don't have to drive around" or "I'll smoke a blunt with you" cuz of the NUMEROUS times we smoke with them, you know I'd be happy with even an AGREEMENT that we aren't hanging out one night instead of 20 phone calls begging us to go pick people up to do NOTHING but waste the little bit of gas we are supposed to save for Robert to get to and from work everyday, and me to and from school. Maybe even a "Hey,whats up? Wanna go do something tonight?" but no, very few people even call to ask us to go do stuff. PROBABLY BECAUSE EVERYONE IS A FUCKING DRUG ADDICT, AND NO ONE WANTS TO HANG OUT WITH THE COUPLE THAT CAN'T DO THAT SHIT BECAUSE THEY HAVE TO START THEIR LIFE TOGETHER. People just call when they want shit from us.
Somehow, I can count like TWO real friend on both hands (looking at it from this sense) SAD, but TRUE.
It REALLY pisses me off that the people we were SO kind to lend money to, AND get a job for, CAN'T pay us back the $10 MEASLY dollars owed, because they're spending all their money on ROLLS, or ACID, or COKE. Well fuck you, you fucking losers. I hope you enjoy your drug stage, because I've moved on. &&I like it much better knowing I'm not SCUM.
Then, Theres the people who BITCH like little fucking girls when Robert can't come hang out. Well, GEE I'm very FUCKING sorry that we live 21 miles away from you and gas cost about $3.00 a gallon, and just to go to your loser ass costs us $6.00 we don't have. How about this one? YOU get a ride to come hang out with him. Nooo, that's NEVER an option or even an idea, NOW WHO CAN FATHOM WHY???
BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO WASTE THEIR GAS ON STUPID SHIT ANYMORE.
I am STRUGGLING every week. I barely afford to eat, and NOW, someone PLEASE, tell me HOW THE FUCK I'm going to feed 3 people, 7 days a week, 3 times a day (well more for the baby), and still manage to pay bills, and get gas to go hang out with the fucking people who can't do anything for their god damned selves?
Do you know when I did not have a car, I took the BUS or WALKED everywhere I could. I payed people to come pick me up to chill BECAUSE I live so far from them. I atleast UNDERSTOOD that poor people, don't just sprout money out of their asses. It's a LOT of money to have a car, it's a LOT of money to even pay RENT every week for us. No one cares, or asks, about anything they can do to help us out.
I can't make 5 mile trips everyday just to pick someone up weed, or just to take them down the street, or just to do anything for anyone because no one does shit for us. &&I'm at my LAST straw with this. People don't understand how bad I wish I could RUN AWAY from my life here. People don't understand I have the OPTION to go live with my father in Pittsburgh FAR FAR AWAY from anyone who has ruined my life in anyway so far. Theres 2 people I would take with me, and only 1 that would go. Which is WHY I'm still here, and he is the ONLY thing keeping me from going.
I don't care who wants to make some shit of this, this is EXACTLY how I feel, whether you agree or you DON'T agree I don't GIVE A FUCK. When it comes to my life, only 2 people have control over my daily routine. Robert, and ME. We have to sit there and decide who takes being the "asshole" for the day.
If people just took a step further, and put themselves in our position, I bet they wouldn't even know what to fucking do with themselves. Try working only 50 hours a fucking week (cummulative between the 2 of us) and pay for everything we do. Try SPENDING over $150 in GAS a week, we do it. Why shouldn't you have to? Try getting bitched at because you can't afford to pay your rent, luckily we don't pay a landlord, we pay my mother. Still, I like to try to make myself seem a little bit worthy of living in her house under her rules, showing her I can follow them. Try going to school FULL-TIME (college), working, being pregnant, being a 19 year old, and still DEAL with the stress that comes with everyday life, stress I wish I could ELIMINATE.
I can't worry about who has what problems, WE have so many of our own, everything thinks we're just fine. You all see us fight everyday about stupid shit, do you know what it is? The hassle you all cause me. Yes, I'm a bitch. Yes, I want my way. Yes, I DO think I DESERVE it for what I go through. I have always lived a certain way, and it was never BROKE. Now, that I drive and no one else does, I'm BROKE. Funny now, seeing as how there are 2 of us, yet we still have no money.
It gets harder when you're supporting more than yourself.
Everyone will understand one day, it definitly WON'T be tomorrow, so I have nothing to look forward to. But as from here on, watch how things change, and if you can't understand why, YOU'RE JUST A DUMB FUCK WHO HAS NO CONCEPT OF REALITY. and you can go fuck yourself.
If I lose friends over this, then you obviously aren't a friend I want to keep anyway.
I'm such a bitch, and I don't mean to be, but I have views on certain subjects and if no one agrees with them, I tend to not care and keep pushing my point until they agree. Well, not with everyone, usually just with Robert.
I don't mean to be mean, but that's all I can be is just me. &&I am whatever you say I am. If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
I KNOW I'm a bitch, I just don't like to hear it out of other peoples mouths. Makes me go off &&just prove that I really am.
but for certain things, I think I should be allowed to make the rules, for I follow every single thing Robert wants to do and RARELY do the things I want to. &&CONSIDERING, it's my car we use to go everywhere, &&MY miles that are racking up on that car, &&if anything BREAKS I'm the one who has to take it to get fixed, &&scrounge money up from family to pay for my shit, then I do believe I can say who gets in, when, where we go, and if I don't want to pick someone up, or I don't want to go out somewhere, then there should be NO argument.
Nobody ever offers to come pick US up.
When is the last time we got gas money?
My odometer can't rewind itself, &&I have RACKED UP (drum roll please) 32,000 miles in ONE year. I'm sick of this shit. I'm going to have no car by the time I'm 20.
HELLO? Doesn't ANYONE understand what the fuck I'm going to go through with a baby? Doesn't ANYONE care that we are FLAT broke? No, they just want to "hang out" &&smoke our weed, &&get a ride somewhere. Well, get your own damned car. Or learn the bus system. SOMETHING!
This is how you can tell who your REAL friends are. The ones who say "Well, come here then you don't have to drive around" or "I'll smoke a blunt with you" cuz of the NUMEROUS times we smoke with them, you know I'd be happy with even an AGREEMENT that we aren't hanging out one night instead of 20 phone calls begging us to go pick people up to do NOTHING but waste the little bit of gas we are supposed to save for Robert to get to and from work everyday, and me to and from school. Maybe even a "Hey,whats up? Wanna go do something tonight?" but no, very few people even call to ask us to go do stuff. PROBABLY BECAUSE EVERYONE IS A FUCKING DRUG ADDICT, AND NO ONE WANTS TO HANG OUT WITH THE COUPLE THAT CAN'T DO THAT SHIT BECAUSE THEY HAVE TO START THEIR LIFE TOGETHER. People just call when they want shit from us.
Somehow, I can count like TWO real friend on both hands (looking at it from this sense) SAD, but TRUE.
It REALLY pisses me off that the people we were SO kind to lend money to, AND get a job for, CAN'T pay us back the $10 MEASLY dollars owed, because they're spending all their money on ROLLS, or ACID, or COKE. Well fuck you, you fucking losers. I hope you enjoy your drug stage, because I've moved on. &&I like it much better knowing I'm not SCUM.
Then, Theres the people who BITCH like little fucking girls when Robert can't come hang out. Well, GEE I'm very FUCKING sorry that we live 21 miles away from you and gas cost about $3.00 a gallon, and just to go to your loser ass costs us $6.00 we don't have. How about this one? YOU get a ride to come hang out with him. Nooo, that's NEVER an option or even an idea, NOW WHO CAN FATHOM WHY???
BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO WASTE THEIR GAS ON STUPID SHIT ANYMORE.
I am STRUGGLING every week. I barely afford to eat, and NOW, someone PLEASE, tell me HOW THE FUCK I'm going to feed 3 people, 7 days a week, 3 times a day (well more for the baby), and still manage to pay bills, and get gas to go hang out with the fucking people who can't do anything for their god damned selves?
Do you know when I did not have a car, I took the BUS or WALKED everywhere I could. I payed people to come pick me up to chill BECAUSE I live so far from them. I atleast UNDERSTOOD that poor people, don't just sprout money out of their asses. It's a LOT of money to have a car, it's a LOT of money to even pay RENT every week for us. No one cares, or asks, about anything they can do to help us out.
I can't make 5 mile trips everyday just to pick someone up weed, or just to take them down the street, or just to do anything for anyone because no one does shit for us. &&I'm at my LAST straw with this. People don't understand how bad I wish I could RUN AWAY from my life here. People don't understand I have the OPTION to go live with my father in Pittsburgh FAR FAR AWAY from anyone who has ruined my life in anyway so far. Theres 2 people I would take with me, and only 1 that would go. Which is WHY I'm still here, and he is the ONLY thing keeping me from going.
I don't care who wants to make some shit of this, this is EXACTLY how I feel, whether you agree or you DON'T agree I don't GIVE A FUCK. When it comes to my life, only 2 people have control over my daily routine. Robert, and ME. We have to sit there and decide who takes being the "asshole" for the day.
If people just took a step further, and put themselves in our position, I bet they wouldn't even know what to fucking do with themselves. Try working only 50 hours a fucking week (cummulative between the 2 of us) and pay for everything we do. Try SPENDING over $150 in GAS a week, we do it. Why shouldn't you have to? Try getting bitched at because you can't afford to pay your rent, luckily we don't pay a landlord, we pay my mother. Still, I like to try to make myself seem a little bit worthy of living in her house under her rules, showing her I can follow them. Try going to school FULL-TIME (college), working, being pregnant, being a 19 year old, and still DEAL with the stress that comes with everyday life, stress I wish I could ELIMINATE.
I can't worry about who has what problems, WE have so many of our own, everything thinks we're just fine. You all see us fight everyday about stupid shit, do you know what it is? The hassle you all cause me. Yes, I'm a bitch. Yes, I want my way. Yes, I DO think I DESERVE it for what I go through. I have always lived a certain way, and it was never BROKE. Now, that I drive and no one else does, I'm BROKE. Funny now, seeing as how there are 2 of us, yet we still have no money.
It gets harder when you're supporting more than yourself.
Everyone will understand one day, it definitly WON'T be tomorrow, so I have nothing to look forward to. But as from here on, watch how things change, and if you can't understand why, YOU'RE JUST A DUMB FUCK WHO HAS NO CONCEPT OF REALITY. and you can go fuck yourself.
If I lose friends over this, then you obviously aren't a friend I want to keep anyway.