Healing is a slow and painful process
My dreams were filled with nightmares, I didn’t have one moment peace since I shut my eyes. I spent half the night crying into my pillow and trying to keep silent. I didn’t want to disturb Lindsey in any way, just me being here did that enough as it was
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Stop that. I have to stop that, that's my father's way of thinking and I can't think like that. Things are different now, different here. Lindsey knows - some - things about me and he's still here, still being sweet.
Baby steps, that's what this was all about, baby steps.
"Yes, that's true." I smiled and pulled another color that was more green and laid it over the other shirt's in my arm. "But you're the only one I've got here, you do have to see me." I blushed at my own words and quietly walked down and over towards the jeans, smiling to myself as I pulled out a pair with wide flares at the bottom that I fell in love with.
But the price tag made me put it back. There were other things to get and spending that much on jeans, I couldn't rationalize.
I turned around and smiled up at him when I felt his hand on my shoulder. "Do you um want to go? I'm almost done..." He looked deep in thought for a moment and I wondered what was on his mind, I turned slowly and looked into his eyes. "What's wrong?"
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I shook my head no and my eyes were riveted to her lips. I tried to remind myself that Tara did not need me pawing at her; she needed me as a friend and I needed to be patient and let things happen on their own.
I knew they would, I could tell she was interested in me as more than just a friend even if she didn’t quite realize it yet. But I was her support, literally the only thing she had to lean on at the moment and my mind was so far from the range of noble I should be shot. She asked me what was wrong and I couldn’t take it, I was a dammed man.
I couldn’t stop myself, I couldn’t think beyond my hand moving up to cup her cheek and my thumb slowly sliding across her lips. I noticed the half stunned look in her eyes as she looked back at me. I leaned down, slow enough for her to pull away and she was either too shocked to do so or just plain didn’t want to. I’m betting it’s a little bit of both. I kissed her lightly at first, a simple pressing of my lips to hers, then I lightly trailed my tongue across her lips, she opened her mouth, maybe in surprise maybe in invitation but I kissed her deeper, massaging her tongue with mine and letting my hand angle her head so I could taste more.
I pulled back, realizing we were in a store and I probably shouldn’t have kissed her like that, especially here and now. I pressed my lips to hers again for just a second and then pressed my forehead against hers, my hand dropping to her elbow.
“I know I should probably apologize for doing that, but I can’t. I’ve wanted to for days.”
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His lips taste sweet against my own and I wasn't even sure how to react to him so I go with it, letting him take the lead and I kiss him back, dropping the items out of my hands and placing them on his arms. I could feel my body shake slightly as the kiss got deeper, I've never experienced something like this before, I wasn't sure how to react till he finally pulled away, letting us both breathe.
My breathing was hard and ragged, like I was running a marathon for days before. "Don't..." I whispered, shaking my head before pulling back and looking up at him. "S-so...so have I..." But it always felt wrong to want you like I do; there is that big age difference problem.
A woman cleared her throat and gave us both a pointed look and I pulled back from him, my cheeks flaming red and I bent down to pick up the clothes that I'd picked out that fell during the kiss. "I-I picked...I'm almost..." I felt too flustered to say anything more and I stood up, turning back and pulling those expensive pants from the rack before walking up to the counter. "I-I'm ready..." I whispered, fumbling in my bag for my money and hoping that nobody else was staring at us.
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I glared at the woman who was staring at us with a scowl, I almost told her to take a picture cause it lasts longer but I didn't really think Tara would appreciate having more attention brought to us. So I kept my mouth shut and tried not to be amused by how flustered Tara was. I didn't quite get embarrassed easily but that was beyond the point.
I followed her to the counter and turned on the charm with the woman who opened the shop. She was a older and I'd seen her around the neighborhood coffee shop a few times.
Once we were finished Tara and I headed out to my truck and I put the bags in the back before opening her door for her.
"Your chariot my lady."
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The first thing is Lindsey.
We were both on shaky ground here, firstly my age and second that he took me away from the place I called home without my father's permission. I didn't care about the second part, I didn't want to be there now that I've been away - abet only for a day - I know that I don't want to go back.
Picking the bags up I smiled and followed Lindsey out, closing my eyes for a moment and feeling the sun against my skin. He took the bags and held the door open for me. "Thanks..." I murmured resting my hand on his for a moment before hopping in the car.
I watched as he walked around and got in, starting the car and looking over at me as I nervously played with the hem of my shirt. "Lindsey...I'm...I'm sorry." I turned and looked at him, tucking my hair behind my ear. "About...I'm sorry about kissing you...l-letting you kiss me. I shouldn't have." He's going to want things that I'm not ready to give and even if I was he could get into trouble for such things.
Biting my lip I sighed and shrugged my shoulders. "N-nevermind...W-where do you want to go? I don't want to take up your entire day..."
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