Healing is a slow and painful process

[sexytarawitch]

My dreams were filled with nightmares, I didn’t have one moment peace since I shut my eyes. I spent half the night crying into my pillow and trying to keep silent. I didn’t want to disturb Lindsey in any way, just me being here did that enough as it was

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[sexytarawitch]

I flipped one of the pancakes over and blushed deeply, hiding behind my hair at his compliment, or was it his smile? Didn't matter, everything just was. I think I was getting tired of trying to define it because there was no definition for this, this was something totally new. Period, and it's a learning experience for us both.

Hopefully a slow and non-painful one. We've both had enough of that to last a lifetime.

"So, what do you want to do today?"

I put some juice on the table and pulled his seat out for him before turning back to the pan. "Ummm, anything." I admitted. "I'm up for anything," I turned and glanced at him. "I trust you." I said softly, being totally honest.

Breaking the moment before it got uncomfortable I turned back and started panning the pancakes out onto a plate. "Do you want chocolate chip or plane?" I brought both plates to the table before hurrying around the kitchen setting it and putting anything else we'd need out, at least that I found in his cabinets.

I put the dishes into the sink to soak before I turned to the table and tentatively sitting down, I half expected to see a snake skinned boot finding it's way before I did.

[theurbancowboy]

"Ummm, anything. I'm up for anything, I trust you."

I smiled, happy at her words, I knew she meant them, if she didn't she was a great liar and that didn't seem like the most likely occurance, her being a liar that is.

"How about we go shopping, get you anything you need and I need to get some guitar strings and a few new piks?"

The pancakes smelled delecious and my mouth was already watering and it wasn't just from the food, which was almost enough to be embarrassed over but again this was me and I rarely allowed myself to get embarrassed.

"Do you want chocolate chip or plane?"

I smiled again, "Chocolate chip."

She put a plate in front of me and made sure she tended to the dirty dishes before sitting down, though she seemed like she was waiting for something. Her body was tense as she sat and I wanted to scream, did they keep her from just sitting down to eat?

"Does that sound good? Shopping I mean?"

[sexytarawitch]

"How about we go shopping, get you anything you need and I need to get some guitar strings and a few new piks?"

I smiled and nodded, pulling the napkin into my lap. "Shopping sounds good." Especially because I have my own money. "I don't um really care where we go. I would like to get to know the place." I smiled at him and started to relax, handing him the chocolate chip pancakes and taking two plain for myself.

"Did you um sl-sleep ok?" I gave him a nervous look, feeling guilty still about taking his bed from him. But oddly it was a strange comfort to be there and to smell his aftershave on his sheets.

I tentatively took one of the chocolate chip pancakes, casting him a nervous look and feeling even more guilt in my stomach when he looked upset. "S-sorry...habits are h-hard to break..." I murmured looking down at my lap.

[theurbancowboy]

I sighed and gave her an apologetic look, "No I'm sorry. I just hate seeing you so tense, I can't expect you to be instantly comfortable all night."

I reached across the table and gingerly took her hand, rubbing my thumb across her palm.

"I slept alright, don't worry about me," I gave her a long look and a smile. She was so beautiful and I could have just launched over the table and kissed her senseless.

I didn't. I let go of her hand and smiled, digging into the pancakes. They were too good, it wasn't like I was used to eating much that had to be cooked. I pretty much just threw shit into the microwave and hoped it didn't taste like utter crap.

[sexytarawitch]

I nodded slowly, looking down at his hand on mine. "I am, comfortable here, with you." I reasured him. "Something's I...I can't help it." I smiled and gave his hand a squeeze, looking into his eyes. "I'll try."

"I slept alright, don't worry about me,"

Returning his smile I knew he was telling me lies, he had little dark circles under his eyes and I knew he hadn't slept. It made me wonder if he slept at all. But I let it slide becuase he'd feel bad if he knew I felt bad.

I sat quietly as we ate and I felt myself start to relax even more. "So," I looked up and smiled at him, taking a sip of juice. "What would you like for dinner? By the looks of your um closets, you need to go shopping." I laughed, shaking my head. "One can't live on frozen alone."

[theurbancowboy]

"I've done it long enough, but your right. I don't really care though, never really been around anyone who cooks so I wouldn't know what to get if you told me."

I smiled again, quickly finishing the pancakes that had adorned my plate.

"And we're backto shopping again, let me shower and change and we'll head out."

I got up from my seat and bent over her to kiss her head again. Letting my hand running my hand through her hair and disappearing into my bedroom. Thoughts of Tara in my bathroom naked in a shower, I was instantly hard and groaned.

[sexytarawitch]

I smiled and placed my hand on his when he kissed me again. I was tempted to stand and tell him it was ok to kiss me, but I wasn't sure.

Was it really ok? I'm not even sure. I like Lindsey, I adore spending time with him but what if we start and things go sour? I couldn't lose a friend I just gained, I'm not ready for a loss like that right now.

I needed all the support I could get right now and he was it. I couldn't chance that going sour.

Stanind up I busied myself in the kitchen, cleaning up the dishes and drying them off before I went through the cabinets to see what he didn't have and what he needed. I'm not even sure what he likes to eat. Then again he is from the south and food is food.

We'll just see how the day goes.

Once I was finished in the kitchen and it looked spotless I headed into the living room and cleaned up the couch and folded the blankets that he used. We had to clean out the spare room because he shouldn't be on the sofa while I took his bed, it just wasn't right.

[theurbancowboy]

I turned the shower on as cold as it would go and quickly washed up. Just didn't seem right to jerk off with Tara in the other room, while thinking about her. Usually things like that wouldn't stop me, but if I was coming and calling her name I wanted to be inside her. That was it.

I got out of the shower and changed quickly into a pair of old jeans and picked up a t-shirt, college didn't call for suits or nice clothes plus I knew if I planned on making it past law school jeans and t-shirts were going to leave my wordrobe for good.

Walking out of the bedroom pulling my shirt on.

"I'm ready," I said simply trying not to remember the image I'd conjured of her in my shower glistening with droplets of water.

Dammit, sometimes being a sexual creature really put a damper on caring more about someone's mind and soul than their body. I had no doubt Tara's was as exquiste as her heart was. Call it a hunch and having eyes.

"Mind if we head to the music supply store first? It's closest."

[sexytarawitch]

I turned from the window and smiled at him, hoping that he didn't mind that I cleaned up a little bit, and hoping even more that he was pleased with how it looked.

"Mind if we head to the music supply store first? It's closest."

"Sure." I smiled and tucked my hair behind my ear, smiling up at him and resisting the urge to run my fingers through his wet hair, it looked even more tempting then it did normally. "I just have to slip on my shoes and I'll be ready, I did um want to uhh..." I coughed. "Walk in on you or disturb you..." I murmured heading into the bedroom to slip my shoes on.

I glanced out the window and realized it was too nice for such a big and baggy shirt. Quickly I pulled off my long sleeved thick sweater and found a thiner top, with long sleeves and a slightly lower neckline. I looked into the mirror and decided it wasn't revealing - I didn't own clothes like that - and it would be better for such a surprisingly warm day.

"I'm ready." I smiled and headed out of the bedroom, stopping to fix the heel of my shoe.

[theurbancowboy]

She stepped out of my bed room in a different shirt and I felt my breath hitch. It wasn't like it was something too revealing, but it definately flattered her. For a few minutes I forgot what our plans were. I was pretty content just to stand there like an idiot and stare at her.

Finally I was pulled out of my reverie and I gave her a smile.

I grabbed my keys from the counter and offered her my arm. She took it and we headed down the stairs and to my car.

"Your chariot m'lady," I grinned and opened the passenger door to the truck.

[sexytarawitch]

I looked at him questionably when he just looked at me and I wondered if I pulled my shirt down all the way or if I had something stuck in my hair.

Before I could say anything he smiled and I smiled back, taking his offered arm and heading down to the truck.

My mind was still spinning from everything going on but I was slowly starting to realize that I had a rock of stability to hang onto, Lindsey.

"Thank you." I smiled at him and got into the truck, leaning over and unlocking his side before turning to tackle pulling the seatbelt down.

[theurbancowboy]

I gave her a wink and started the truck. My world had changed pretty drastically in the past few days. I'd never been one of those types who believed in random occurances or things like that.

"Be thinking about what you need as far as stuff goes, there's a lot of nice little shops that carry all kinds of things. Most aren't too bad with the prices either."

I smiled and finally pulled up to the music shop. We got out of the truck and I took her hand without really thinking about it. I led her into the shop and gave Mike, the owner a nod.

[sexytarawitch]

I was slightly awestruck at the sights of the town, everything was different and new, inspite of it being so far from home and everything I knew I felt at home and safe. I had Lindsey, he was my friend and I knew he cared more - I think - but he wasn't pushing or anything like that. He wasn't like anyone I've ever known, he was sweet and caring. That meant more to me then anything in the world.

Getting out of the truck I nodded, his hand taking mine with what seemed like not much of a thought. "Ok, I don't need much..." I murmured following him into the music store and looking around.

I just followed his lead, smiling politely at the man behind the counter as Lindsey went towards the back of the store, my fingers lacing with his as we walked and I followed quietly. "This place is...this place is nice." I commented, smiling and looking around before looking up at him.