some of my favorites from overheardinnewyork.com
Chick: Excuse me, how much is it to use the computers?
Clerk: Two-fifty for 15 minutes.
Chick: So, how much is it for an hour?
Clerk: Ten dollars.
Chick: No, it's not!
Clerk: ... Yes, it is.
Chick: No way! It's not! Stop lying!
Clerk: You know what? You can't use the computers. Get out.
--Computer cafe, 7th Ave, Park Slope
Yuppie customer: Can we have the tasting menu?
Waitress: You eat everything?
Yuppie customer: Yeah, sure.
Waitress: Gizzard?
Yuppie customer: I'll eat the asshole if you put a tasty sauce on it.
Waitress: We don't serve assholes here.
Yuppie customer: This is New York. How do you stay in business?
--Japanese restaurant
Working man #1: You know, I don't like the refill scheme here.
Working man #2: You know, I'm the king of not giving a shit.
--39th & 8th
Drunk, nearly toothless hobo #1, putting arms around unsuspecting teens: Nigga, I would like to tell you a story!
Drunk, nearly toothless hobo #2, surprising teens from other side: Listen to his story, nigga. It's a wonderful story -- listen up.
--St. Mark's Pl & 2nd Ave
Girl on first date: Are you texting someone?
Guy on first date: No, I'm just playing Tetris.
Girl on first date: Okay... You know what? I gotta go, it's getting late.
--Sushi bar
Tourist girl to friend: Oh my god, people are totally going to know we're from Boston when they hear our accents!
Guy sweeping cigarette butts: No, people are going to know you're from Boston when they hear you freak out and call the bomb squad over one of our electronic ads.
--49th & 9th
Adult daughter: Wait -- so your friend in college had a pet alligator in his apartment? That's so dangerous! Did it ever bite you?
Father: Yeah, but only once, and it was because I tried to fill it up with dirt.
--The Frick Museum
Black kid #1: Are you getting off at the next stop, son?
Black kid #2: No, man, this train goes all the way to Harlem. Everyone else gets off at 34th, 42nd... By the time we get up to 96th, it's me, a crackhead, and a midget.
--3 train **(oh my god, sooo true.)
Hobo leaning over and talking to squirrels: Why are you a squirrel?! Why?!
--Washington Square Park
Drunk male ballet dancer: Can I have your attention, please? I'm not asking for money -- I just want to let you all know that I need to pee and I'm going to step between the cars for a moment. I'll be right back, don't worry. [He steps out of the car onto the walkway for a few seconds, then comes back in. Whole car applauds.]
Preppy girl to friend: I vote to ban fat people from trains. [Woman nearby throws angry look.] Just at rush hour! [Woman mutters under her breath.] Local-only chub train?
--Crowded 3 train
Suit: Hey, who has the best pizza, you or the guy down the block?
Pizzeria owner: Fuck you!
Suit: I'll have two slices, please.
--Near Orchard & Houston
Man: Do you know who I am?
Kid: What?
Man: Do you know who I am!
Kid: Uh...
Man: I'm King David! Do you know why I got this medal?
Kid: [Silent.]
Man: For slaying Goliath!
- 7 train
Nurse #1: The guy in room 14 is so annoying.
Nurse #2: No wonder somebody stabbed him in the fucking face.
--1st Ave
College girl: How many Asians are in there?
Bouncer: I don't know.
College girl: Like, what's the percentage?
Bouncer: Seventy? [Girls walk away.]
--Bowery & Prince
Bimbette tourist: Oh my god! What's that? It looks like a cool, underground club or secret hideout.
Friend: Um, that's the entrance to the subway.
--57th & 7th
Clerk: Two-fifty for 15 minutes.
Chick: So, how much is it for an hour?
Clerk: Ten dollars.
Chick: No, it's not!
Clerk: ... Yes, it is.
Chick: No way! It's not! Stop lying!
Clerk: You know what? You can't use the computers. Get out.
--Computer cafe, 7th Ave, Park Slope
Yuppie customer: Can we have the tasting menu?
Waitress: You eat everything?
Yuppie customer: Yeah, sure.
Waitress: Gizzard?
Yuppie customer: I'll eat the asshole if you put a tasty sauce on it.
Waitress: We don't serve assholes here.
Yuppie customer: This is New York. How do you stay in business?
--Japanese restaurant
Working man #1: You know, I don't like the refill scheme here.
Working man #2: You know, I'm the king of not giving a shit.
--39th & 8th
Drunk, nearly toothless hobo #1, putting arms around unsuspecting teens: Nigga, I would like to tell you a story!
Drunk, nearly toothless hobo #2, surprising teens from other side: Listen to his story, nigga. It's a wonderful story -- listen up.
--St. Mark's Pl & 2nd Ave
Girl on first date: Are you texting someone?
Guy on first date: No, I'm just playing Tetris.
Girl on first date: Okay... You know what? I gotta go, it's getting late.
--Sushi bar
Tourist girl to friend: Oh my god, people are totally going to know we're from Boston when they hear our accents!
Guy sweeping cigarette butts: No, people are going to know you're from Boston when they hear you freak out and call the bomb squad over one of our electronic ads.
--49th & 9th
Adult daughter: Wait -- so your friend in college had a pet alligator in his apartment? That's so dangerous! Did it ever bite you?
Father: Yeah, but only once, and it was because I tried to fill it up with dirt.
--The Frick Museum
Black kid #1: Are you getting off at the next stop, son?
Black kid #2: No, man, this train goes all the way to Harlem. Everyone else gets off at 34th, 42nd... By the time we get up to 96th, it's me, a crackhead, and a midget.
--3 train **(oh my god, sooo true.)
Hobo leaning over and talking to squirrels: Why are you a squirrel?! Why?!
--Washington Square Park
Drunk male ballet dancer: Can I have your attention, please? I'm not asking for money -- I just want to let you all know that I need to pee and I'm going to step between the cars for a moment. I'll be right back, don't worry. [He steps out of the car onto the walkway for a few seconds, then comes back in. Whole car applauds.]
Preppy girl to friend: I vote to ban fat people from trains. [Woman nearby throws angry look.] Just at rush hour! [Woman mutters under her breath.] Local-only chub train?
--Crowded 3 train
Suit: Hey, who has the best pizza, you or the guy down the block?
Pizzeria owner: Fuck you!
Suit: I'll have two slices, please.
--Near Orchard & Houston
Man: Do you know who I am?
Kid: What?
Man: Do you know who I am!
Kid: Uh...
Man: I'm King David! Do you know why I got this medal?
Kid: [Silent.]
Man: For slaying Goliath!
- 7 train
Nurse #1: The guy in room 14 is so annoying.
Nurse #2: No wonder somebody stabbed him in the fucking face.
--1st Ave
College girl: How many Asians are in there?
Bouncer: I don't know.
College girl: Like, what's the percentage?
Bouncer: Seventy? [Girls walk away.]
--Bowery & Prince
Bimbette tourist: Oh my god! What's that? It looks like a cool, underground club or secret hideout.
Friend: Um, that's the entrance to the subway.
--57th & 7th