Love and Scizophrenia

[__aconite__]

I am well aware of what I got into by falling for Jessor, but fuck my ass...He makes me feel my age sometimes. He was at his grandparents for Easter, and never came back until tonight, no phone call, no email...nothing. I thought he was gone for the Wochende, and when he didn't come home, I was sick. SICK SICK SICK, all I could think was the worst. He is Schizophrenic and god knows they are impulsive and Jessor doesn't always have an easy time staying "here", he comes online and is all "I'm so sorry, I cannot imagine what I have put your through" ( he never uses can't or don't it's always cannot/do not heee) he just freaked out apparently, and I understand, I had a feeling he was heading for a relapse at some point, and I feel responsible. Relationships are hard enough for "normal" people, but for people like Jesse, it's even worse. He was so cute "I am sorry I ran away, I will not do that ever again" awwww he's so sweet, and so fucked up...I love this kid. I knew getting into this that we would have hard times, and the fact that he ever told me he was schizophrenic says a lot about our relationship, he trusts me...and thats hard for him to do. I do not like feeling 32, it makes me feel shitty, but it's not his fault. I knew at the outset there would be hard days, and that we really earn the good ones, but if we just put one day after another, when Jesse looks back on his life, he will have had a lifetime of good memories.

So I hope.

If he ever does this again, I will punch him in the throat. I love him, but he took at least 20 minutes off my fucking life. *sigh* Is it worth it? Every fucking day is worth it. He is worth it.
I hope he knows that.

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This years love had better last
Heaven knows it's high time
I've been waiting on my own, too long
When you hold me like you do
It feels so right, oh now
Start to forget how my heart gets torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Feelin' like I can't go on.
Turnin' circles time again
Cut like a knife, oh now
If you love me got to know for sure
Cuz' it takes something more this time
Then sweet, sweet lies, oh now
Before I open up my arms and fall losing all control
Every dream inside my soul
When you kiss me on that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singin' ain't this life so sweet?
This years love had better last
This years love had better last
Cuz' whose to worry if our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Don't you notice life goes on
Won't you kiss me on that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singin' ain't this life so sweet
This years love had better last,
This years love had better last,
This years love had better last,
This years love had better last,

Jessor playing like a gangsta...he would kill me if he knew I posted this, but it's one of a few pics of him without really bad bruises on his face, just a liitle banged up :( (he hurts himself sometimes) but he is such a pretty boy, and look at those eyes. I wanna put mascara on him :D