Because it's messy, yes, THIS MESS IS MINE
I'm so hurt right now in more ways than imaginable. I love the thought of Matt. I love having a boyfriend. I don't like feeling like shit. I don't like feeling insignificant. I need someone who cares as much about me as I do them, and in this case it would mean worshiping the ground I walk on. I'm settling, but I still can't convince myself I deserve better. I'm afraid of what's to come. I'm afraid that the next relationship will be the same because maybe it's me who is causing this problem. I want to be loved in return because I can honestly say that I don't know what it feels like to be happy. I hate everything about myself at this point, I brought this all onto myself.