constantly fighting to keep myself going.
Being at my aunt's reminds me of how much I want, NEED my own place, a place where I don't have to hide out in my little closet sized room whenever I'm there. I need my own place and I need to be the age of 21 so that I can have a refrigerator full of beer.
The end.
No, just kidding.
My step-grandma was mean to me this whole weekend. Yes, she did plop down over $300 to fix my driver's side mirror.. but the way she talked to me and treated me and acted like I was some flaky irresonsible idiot who had no concern for her schedule or my car's appointment... it really hurt.
But who isn't disappointed with me lately? It seems like an ongoing theme since November. This weekend I've been thinking a lot about stuff from January and it hurts how disappointed I still am in myself.
April 27: God told me to cut Josh entirely.
I listened. And then stopped. I should have listened. because it was right around that time that he started getting close to her.
I was always right about her while we were dating. Driving around SCV brings back too many memories. Before Soma last night I stopped at 7-11 off of Topanga and Devonshire where for the first time Home Boy didn't recite one of his three jokes. Three guys and this really short girl left right as I was. When we got to Rocky Peak I realized that the girl was definitly the older sister of one of Josh's closest friends. So far from home for her, so out of place, so weird. I think she recognized me after Soma (the service).. but how do you say hi? Especially when you're nerves are freaking out because of a text you get during the service as you're sitting next to Jeremy and in front of Kevin.
From: Josh Miller
8:49pm 6/29/08
I told you I would tell you if I started to like someone... So I'm keeping my word and letting you know I do.
I already knew.
Pete 1:35am: thanks to you I'm hardcore craving a slurpee
Anastasia 1:36am: you're welcome. i had one before soma. kevin says you owe him one.
1:36am Pete: haha. not likely
1:37am Anastasia: you do or don't?
1:37am Pete: not that I'm aware of
1:37am Anastasia: he lies.
1:39am Pete: well yeah, that's what he does
1:39am Anastasia: liars go to hell. revelations 21:8
1:39am Pete: true lots of ppl do
1:40am Anastasia: but that doesn't make it alright. unless it's in jest. cuz i do that. a lot of pain could be avoided if people didn't lie to themselves and others.
1:41am Pete: but honesty is hard. there are times when it's a lot easier to just ignore things and not deal with them. but that doesn't make it right
1:42am Anastasia: true. but it still doesn't make it right. like, for instance. a boy realizes he doesn't love a girl anymore, has gotten bored of her.. but uses the excuse that god doesn't want him to be in a relationship right now. that's horrible to do to someone. because she'll hold out for him.
1:43am Pete: you're absolutely right
1:43am Anastasia:of course i am. i know this.
1:43am Pete: are you holding out for him?
1:44am Anastasia: she'll hold out for him and then he'll mess with her head and then tell her 7 months later that he likes someone from his church. someone she had an intuition about during the relationship.
i was. i have been. maybe i still am.
If I had a dollar for everytime I've wanted to tell someone to stop trying to get into my head these last two months, I'd have a Verizon plan and spiffy phone by now. It's annoying. It's a shame I don't.
My emotions are so mixed. But I have to move on. It's hard when you can't depend on what you used to be able to depend upon. And it's even more hard when you also can't depend upon the new things in your life that you want so badly to be able to depend upon.
Ok, no more saying "depend upon."
It's time for some VM action with some beer and cookies.
The end.
No, just kidding.
My step-grandma was mean to me this whole weekend. Yes, she did plop down over $300 to fix my driver's side mirror.. but the way she talked to me and treated me and acted like I was some flaky irresonsible idiot who had no concern for her schedule or my car's appointment... it really hurt.
But who isn't disappointed with me lately? It seems like an ongoing theme since November. This weekend I've been thinking a lot about stuff from January and it hurts how disappointed I still am in myself.
April 27: God told me to cut Josh entirely.
I listened. And then stopped. I should have listened. because it was right around that time that he started getting close to her.
I was always right about her while we were dating. Driving around SCV brings back too many memories. Before Soma last night I stopped at 7-11 off of Topanga and Devonshire where for the first time Home Boy didn't recite one of his three jokes. Three guys and this really short girl left right as I was. When we got to Rocky Peak I realized that the girl was definitly the older sister of one of Josh's closest friends. So far from home for her, so out of place, so weird. I think she recognized me after Soma (the service).. but how do you say hi? Especially when you're nerves are freaking out because of a text you get during the service as you're sitting next to Jeremy and in front of Kevin.
From: Josh Miller
8:49pm 6/29/08
I told you I would tell you if I started to like someone... So I'm keeping my word and letting you know I do.
I already knew.
Pete 1:35am: thanks to you I'm hardcore craving a slurpee
Anastasia 1:36am: you're welcome. i had one before soma. kevin says you owe him one.
1:36am Pete: haha. not likely
1:37am Anastasia: you do or don't?
1:37am Pete: not that I'm aware of
1:37am Anastasia: he lies.
1:39am Pete: well yeah, that's what he does
1:39am Anastasia: liars go to hell. revelations 21:8
1:39am Pete: true lots of ppl do
1:40am Anastasia: but that doesn't make it alright. unless it's in jest. cuz i do that. a lot of pain could be avoided if people didn't lie to themselves and others.
1:41am Pete: but honesty is hard. there are times when it's a lot easier to just ignore things and not deal with them. but that doesn't make it right
1:42am Anastasia: true. but it still doesn't make it right. like, for instance. a boy realizes he doesn't love a girl anymore, has gotten bored of her.. but uses the excuse that god doesn't want him to be in a relationship right now. that's horrible to do to someone. because she'll hold out for him.
1:43am Pete: you're absolutely right
1:43am Anastasia:of course i am. i know this.
1:43am Pete: are you holding out for him?
1:44am Anastasia: she'll hold out for him and then he'll mess with her head and then tell her 7 months later that he likes someone from his church. someone she had an intuition about during the relationship.
i was. i have been. maybe i still am.
If I had a dollar for everytime I've wanted to tell someone to stop trying to get into my head these last two months, I'd have a Verizon plan and spiffy phone by now. It's annoying. It's a shame I don't.
My emotions are so mixed. But I have to move on. It's hard when you can't depend on what you used to be able to depend upon. And it's even more hard when you also can't depend upon the new things in your life that you want so badly to be able to depend upon.
Ok, no more saying "depend upon."
It's time for some VM action with some beer and cookies.