maybe this year will be better then the last
this weekend brando came over and it was nice seeing a familiar face, i guess things didn't go the way i thought they would, and of course we fought but nevertheless i guess it was enjoyable... even though i was thinking of someone else most of the time...but brandon is probably one of the few ppl who will ever "get" me, and he really is a true friend, who really cares about me, and i truly care about him,a nd consider him my best friend... despite all the bullshit i give him... its funny bc he has found such good friends in florida, which makes me happy, and he says that theyre TRUE friends... u know the kind that will always be there for you? he's like "yeah, they're nothing compared to the friends i made in new york, because people in new york usually just use you"... which i thought was pretty blunt but possibly true.. and then i started thinking to myself, alot of ppl i know from new york, including myself, seem sarcastic, overdramatic, whiny, cold people, whose goal is to just meet the most people or "friends" possible..then i began to rethink my actions that weekend..and the way i treated brando after he did so much for me and how i was being unfair to him, was i really just using him to waste time with and was i leading him on to think we would be something more then friends again? ... it's just horrible that i've been raised and assume thats the way i should treat someone, even if he enjoys doing stuff for me and know's we'll never be together, apart of me feels like i'm being so unfair to him.. despite this over the summer i met some random girls from NC and their persona seemed so different from ppl i hung out with that summer, which made ppl love them, even if they jst knew them for a little bit.. not only that, see, my friends in dc are from all over the country/ world and it's funny bc they are still there for me... but i also remember when i was at AU for the first couple months, i was so untrusting and suspicious of ppl, i had always assumed ppl were being fake... and then i began to realise i was being overly paranoid, attributes i think i gained from living in a small town, and it made it so hard for me to be close to people there... i don't know i just feel like given the time i've spent in my hometown, i haven't met too many close friends... which is sad bc it seems like so many ppl wanted to leave the area and hated being there, in hopes of finding something new... but barely took the opportunity to consider one another..good friends are hard to find, sometimes you think you find them, but sometimes they screw you over... but i guess it also depends on your definition of a friend, is it just a person you use to waste time, so your not so bored? or someone you actually enjoy spending time with, someone you care about?
it's all alot of oysters but no pearls...
it's all alot of oysters but no pearls...