(no subject)
Maybe it was easier to amaze me before, or maybe I knew some incredible people. It's just no longer instant wow's once a week. Even the moment I met Josie was unforgettable. I remember counting out each colour painted on her nails and I remember watching her the whole walk from the Bio bldg to the commons. I remember when she mentioned she had a girlfriend and feeling so comfortable and connected to her before I even knew I wanted to keep her in my life. I don't really remember the first time I met Aly, but I remember the first time she played guitar & sang in my room and the time she came in sharing her secrets. I remember feeling like no one in the world would ever get inside me and even more so, that I couldn't get out of me and Aly broke through, opened up, and it was exactly where I was and who I was, too. I remember meeting Casey, getting an 'okay' on the music I was playing. I remember just sitting across from Casey, usually completely distracted by AJ, and still wanting to hear what Casey had to say. I remember mouthing "I'm in love" to Kim after Rik came over the first time and Kim telling me she knew I would be the moment she opened the door. I even remember the first time Sasha collapsed onto my floor, as beautiful and dainty as she was, and I just wanted to say "Come back." I remember luckily turning around to see a boy with a collection of keys around his neck and a "Fuck I need a smore" shirt, and actually forgetting Rik existed just for a day because Michael was so fascinating. I remember being in his arms that night, in front of the mirror, and it was like we had been dating for years when we just met. I remember all the little times I saw Will around school and just dying at how gorgeous he was. I remember with such clarity the way Alecs looked in black lingerie over jeans, straight out of a fashion magazine. I remember the way she gave friendship with such dedication and honesty, how she inspired me to give that back to her. I remember the day Lissa came over to use my pregnancy test and she was serious and upset, but she was flirting with me in the elevator.
I remember every single second I spent with Harrison. I know I lost my heart in Pensacola more times than I can account for. I knew where to drive when I couldn't breathe and I knew where to run when I didn't care if I ever took another breath. There's this longing I can't explain away with tears over the loss of love. This is so much more. I don't think I'll ever recreate that safety net again, with knots of people I really gave my all to. It hurts. Everyday.
Alyson says she doesn't know when she'll ever have to stop moving. There's this saying, "Never get used to anything." I know it's a shift from who I've always been, but why do I need to change things if I'm so utterly happy with the way they are?
I remember every single second I spent with Harrison. I know I lost my heart in Pensacola more times than I can account for. I knew where to drive when I couldn't breathe and I knew where to run when I didn't care if I ever took another breath. There's this longing I can't explain away with tears over the loss of love. This is so much more. I don't think I'll ever recreate that safety net again, with knots of people I really gave my all to. It hurts. Everyday.
Alyson says she doesn't know when she'll ever have to stop moving. There's this saying, "Never get used to anything." I know it's a shift from who I've always been, but why do I need to change things if I'm so utterly happy with the way they are?