(no subject)
I want to go get to a point where I don't need pills and weed to make me feel happy. to mkae me feel comfortable. I hate seeing all my friends go straight to that and loose everything else. I know I'm getting so close to that and sometimes the idea of that is tempting. I want to be able to accept the past. I want to move on. I don't want to fight with my dad anymore. I dont want to cut myself anymore. I hate people who do it and I hate myself for doing it. I don't want people to look at me and just see my scars. I don't want to fit in but I dont want to be someone standing on the side. I'm tired of starting my day with a coffee and a pill, getting the munchies in time for lunch and coming down by Algebra. I'm sick of needing pills before I can even get to sleep. I've been on these things for 2 years. That's too long. I want to grow up. I want to have my wounds heal up and disappear. I need a body lying next to me. I'm desperate. I'm craving. I'm digging in too deep.
I want to be clean.
I want to get to a point where I don't need these things. Take the soil and sun away from the plant and you can still make it grow.