touch and taste, fades with space...
I just don't know what the heck I'm doing anymore.
My heart is pulling me in so many different ways and is wanting to be in so many different places.
It's like I want to be in SC to further my education and just work on who I am as a person. I longed for such a great time to be out of jax and I'm out. I also have FL were I can have happiness with a relationship and feel complete that way. I don't know what to do. It's hard to be with someone when they aren't physically present but it's even worse when they aren't emotional available. I wish he could stop being a punk ass and just elaborate his thoughts and feelings towards me without me being in front of him. He has no problem if I'm there, but when I'm 400 miles away it's like he shuts down and feels like it's too hard because he misses me and cares for me too much. That he doesn't want to put ourselves through this. And BLAH BLAH BLAH. Sometimes I wish I could just deck him right in the face and tell him everything will be fine. I never thought a 27 year old man would be so difficult. Nor did I think is was possible to be emotional yet not show your emotions. I just can't wait to see him Friday and have him realize things are going to be alright. That just because I'm not "there" doesn't necessary mean I'm not there. I can't come back to jax just because one person doesn't like the arrangement. Yes, I know it sucks. I wish I could just be in bed with him every night and sleep in and laugh about stupid crap in the morning. But I can't. I just don't know how much longer I can deal with this. I don't know how much I can take. I know if God wants it to be it will happen.
I seriously just want to drink right now.
Thank God I have jimmy eat world and brand new.
My heart is pulling me in so many different ways and is wanting to be in so many different places.
It's like I want to be in SC to further my education and just work on who I am as a person. I longed for such a great time to be out of jax and I'm out. I also have FL were I can have happiness with a relationship and feel complete that way. I don't know what to do. It's hard to be with someone when they aren't physically present but it's even worse when they aren't emotional available. I wish he could stop being a punk ass and just elaborate his thoughts and feelings towards me without me being in front of him. He has no problem if I'm there, but when I'm 400 miles away it's like he shuts down and feels like it's too hard because he misses me and cares for me too much. That he doesn't want to put ourselves through this. And BLAH BLAH BLAH. Sometimes I wish I could just deck him right in the face and tell him everything will be fine. I never thought a 27 year old man would be so difficult. Nor did I think is was possible to be emotional yet not show your emotions. I just can't wait to see him Friday and have him realize things are going to be alright. That just because I'm not "there" doesn't necessary mean I'm not there. I can't come back to jax just because one person doesn't like the arrangement. Yes, I know it sucks. I wish I could just be in bed with him every night and sleep in and laugh about stupid crap in the morning. But I can't. I just don't know how much longer I can deal with this. I don't know how much I can take. I know if God wants it to be it will happen.
I seriously just want to drink right now.
Thank God I have jimmy eat world and brand new.