it's funny how things work out

[___partyline]

i never thought i'd ever write in livejournal again, but here i am. i never had the nerve to write anything in here because of the person i used to be & the things i would write back then. i never want to be that person again; i don't even know who she is anymore. when i think about myself & the friends that i had & the priorities that i set for myself or the material things that i thought were more important than anything else in the world, it makes me really sick. i've changed so much that sometimes it's hard to even recognize myself anymore, and i think in a way it's a good thing. i know without a doubt that i have become a better person since i got out of high school & that i no longer have an interest in the stupid shit that i used to do. not to toot my own horn, but i am really proud of myself & how far i've come in the last two years. i've changed without the help of anyone else & i'm glad. i'm tired of relying on people to handle or take care of things for me, and i've even given up on the idea of people helping me with anything. i've basically shut everyone that i used to hold so close to me out of my life & for good reason too. i know i would have gone down a path that would have led me so far off track i doubt i could get back on it. i am however so greatful that i've made a mends with ashley; even though i'm not sure our friendship was ever completely over, i was begining to thing that if i didn't fix things asap i would never be able to bring myself to. i don't rely on her anymore for everything (just due to the fact that i don't rely on anyone at all) but she has to know that despite that, she is still my rock & nothing could ever change the bond we share or our amazing friendship. i could never say any of this out loud because i'm basically a coward, but i genuinely mean it. there are very few things that i am still positive about, and she is definitely one of them. yea, about that.. the world is not all sunshine & rainbows and i'm done trying to pretend that i can change that. i've become so negative about a lot of things, but i wouldn't call myself a negative person; i just don't really look at the positive side of things anymore. its weird, but i don't really care because its how i feel. i've gone new places & experienced new things & i can't wait to see even more of whats out there. when i have the time, i am heading out to boston; i am seriously considering relocating there after college.



circa 2003, i love us.