ramble ramble
I'm in an awfully strange mood lately. It doesn't really seem as though I'm myself. But maybe I'm just starting to become who I really am and this whole time through out my whole life I've been pretending I'm something else. But how do you really know when something like this happends?
How do you know what you are really all about?
So far up to now I've basically lived life as though I need something or someone to be around and I can't be happy when this isn't true. I need to be loved by someone and/or everyone.
But now I think i've changed my thoughts. I don't need another confused human being to drag me down or even to brighten me up. i can do all of this on my own. I'm not really sure if this is a stage/type of depression but I think I've desovered that you shouldn't depend on other things/people. I want to be independent. I do, so bad. But, it's hard to break the "addiction". I'm basically addicted to people's love and comforted by the constant connection.
Lately I've been hiding it from everyone to keep my pride and be "tough". But that only really makes me more weak in the long run.
Honestly, I think I need to go back to therapy. It really helps, and It's not just for "crazy" people. I love it. It's kind of like a best friend in a way without all of the bad parts. They know you really well (or they will). And they can give you advice and pep talks. It's all there for you of one short bill of 80$ an hour. Ha.
Anyways, this is the lowest I've been in my life, or at least the lowest in a while. But it might be different tomorrow becuase I can't really seem to make up my mind of I'm ok with how things are going or if I totally want to get rid of the person I am.
How do you know what you are really all about?
So far up to now I've basically lived life as though I need something or someone to be around and I can't be happy when this isn't true. I need to be loved by someone and/or everyone.
But now I think i've changed my thoughts. I don't need another confused human being to drag me down or even to brighten me up. i can do all of this on my own. I'm not really sure if this is a stage/type of depression but I think I've desovered that you shouldn't depend on other things/people. I want to be independent. I do, so bad. But, it's hard to break the "addiction". I'm basically addicted to people's love and comforted by the constant connection.
Lately I've been hiding it from everyone to keep my pride and be "tough". But that only really makes me more weak in the long run.
Honestly, I think I need to go back to therapy. It really helps, and It's not just for "crazy" people. I love it. It's kind of like a best friend in a way without all of the bad parts. They know you really well (or they will). And they can give you advice and pep talks. It's all there for you of one short bill of 80$ an hour. Ha.
Anyways, this is the lowest I've been in my life, or at least the lowest in a while. But it might be different tomorrow becuase I can't really seem to make up my mind of I'm ok with how things are going or if I totally want to get rid of the person I am.