(no subject)
dear kristen,
i'm so glad i decided to call you last june when we went to jordan's. that was the last time i saw you. i was always sad that we grew apart after high school, especially because i always felt like i related to you more than a lot of my other friends. you were so much more sensative than everyone else, but in such a generous way. i never doubted your sincerity, and you always made me feel special. you also made the heinous disaster that was high school a deliciously postive experience. remember INSOMNIA PART 1 AND 2? whenever i watch requiem for a dream i think of you, in the best way possible of course. remember how we were intelletual equals? i still can't believe we got the same grade in reinsteins class....not to mention the EXACT SAME S.A.T. score. i still listen to the "kai" mix you made for me. it's the best mix anyone's ever made me. i can't listen to "caress me down" without hearing "bohemian rhapsody" follow.
sometimes it hurts so much that we'll never have classy lunches together on michigan avenue, or that we'll never be rich and famous architects and graphic designers. you taught me so much in the short time i knew you, but i had so much left to learn.
it's been one year since you died & i still can't believe it. i think about you all the time. you're death was the most real and tragic thing i'd ever experienced. the minute rob called me to tell me you had died i think i stopped believing in God. there's no rational or divine way to explain how someone so beautiful and vibrant could hurt enough to want to take her own life. it's completely unfair that you had to suffer that way, and if i could take your pain on my own shoulders, i would in a second.
but i can't. and i want you to know you're the reason i'm trying to get better. you probably didn't feel like you had so much to offer, but you did. and you've made me realize that i do too, even on the days when i can't move and don't think i can go on another minute. i want to dedicate my life to doing all the things i know you could have done. it's too short not to.
i love you, and i'm sorry i couldn't have been there for you as much as you needed it. thank you for everything you did for me.
i'm so glad i decided to call you last june when we went to jordan's. that was the last time i saw you. i was always sad that we grew apart after high school, especially because i always felt like i related to you more than a lot of my other friends. you were so much more sensative than everyone else, but in such a generous way. i never doubted your sincerity, and you always made me feel special. you also made the heinous disaster that was high school a deliciously postive experience. remember INSOMNIA PART 1 AND 2? whenever i watch requiem for a dream i think of you, in the best way possible of course. remember how we were intelletual equals? i still can't believe we got the same grade in reinsteins class....not to mention the EXACT SAME S.A.T. score. i still listen to the "kai" mix you made for me. it's the best mix anyone's ever made me. i can't listen to "caress me down" without hearing "bohemian rhapsody" follow.
sometimes it hurts so much that we'll never have classy lunches together on michigan avenue, or that we'll never be rich and famous architects and graphic designers. you taught me so much in the short time i knew you, but i had so much left to learn.
it's been one year since you died & i still can't believe it. i think about you all the time. you're death was the most real and tragic thing i'd ever experienced. the minute rob called me to tell me you had died i think i stopped believing in God. there's no rational or divine way to explain how someone so beautiful and vibrant could hurt enough to want to take her own life. it's completely unfair that you had to suffer that way, and if i could take your pain on my own shoulders, i would in a second.
but i can't. and i want you to know you're the reason i'm trying to get better. you probably didn't feel like you had so much to offer, but you did. and you've made me realize that i do too, even on the days when i can't move and don't think i can go on another minute. i want to dedicate my life to doing all the things i know you could have done. it's too short not to.
i love you, and i'm sorry i couldn't have been there for you as much as you needed it. thank you for everything you did for me.