Light that smoke, yeah one for giving up on me.
I'm sorry you have to read all this. It's just that I'm in one of those fucking moods where I feel like there's a hole in my chest where my heart is supposed to be... and I have to let some of this out before it gets worse... I hate when feelings come back to haunt you... Fuck
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I centered my life around love. I wanted more then anything else in the world to be loved by just one person. To matter to someone. To anyone. To be that person they think of right before they go to sleep. To be that happy thought that makes them fucking fly like Peter Pan. I was so desprite with longing and I had this whole heart and soul filled with blind devotion ready to give to the first person who would let me. It built up with each heart break and each lying asshole. I pretended I wanted to be that girl who didn't need a guy to make her whole but at the end of the day, that was me.
I know you'll never believe me because if you told me this a few years ago I'd call you mean names but please trust me. If you stop looking for just a moment, just enough time to take a deep breath and look around, you'll see that you do matter to somone. There is one person in your life probably somewhere in the sidelines that does love you and would do anything for you. For me, it was my friend Greg and even when he told me I was his best friend and he would die for me, I still never put two and two together. So just take a time out and see what happens.
Rachel, you matter to me. I do think about you often and I treasure our memories of summers past. Just wait it out and look back in a few weeks or a few months. Everything will make sense to you in retrospect as it does for me now. My past makes it easy for me to talk to you and to relate to exactly what you're going through and it wasn't more then 3 years ago that I was in your shoes. Well, actually I was in my Chuck Taylors but ya know...
If anything I say bothers you at all then please tell me. I don't want to seem like the know-it-all, been-there-done-that, slightly older friend who won't shut up with "when I was your age" stories.
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"I pretended I wanted to be that girl who didn't need a guy to make her whole but at the end of the day, that was me." <-- Yupp yupp yupp. That would be me.
I never know what to say when you leave me comments like this except for I love it when you do. You're awesome MeGeee! I love you!!!<333
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