i've bound my emotions 'cause i can't afford to be wrong.
What a freaking summer///what a freaking year, actually. Today, during one of my many naps, i was thinkin a lot...and i was thinking of who I was at this time last year...let's just say it's not who's looking back at me from the mirror now...and although i didn't mind who i was a year ago, what's your freshman year of high school if you don't change?...even if it's just a little. Okay...so my change was a little more extreme than a "little," but yeea.
Anyways. a year ago. jeez i was a dork. seriously. I was like excited about new post-its for the beginning of 9th grade. yeea...im not kidding. And i don't know, high school is seriously a really powerful thing, as corny as that sounds. it changes the living hell out of you. i am, plain and simply, not the girl i was a year ago, and yea, it makes me sad sometimes...because life was a piece of cake, but i have had more fun and learned more in the past year than in the whole prior 14 years put together. It was worth it. The couple weeks i didn't have a cell phone, the few times i cried myself to sleep, and the couple scars I'm walking away with...it was all worth it because I'm stronger and those are mistakes that i will never make again. I'm not proud of the police station incident or my experimental side. I'm not going to go around and brag about some of the trouble i found myself in, but at the end of the day, I learned so much and i would rather learn now than pay big later. And, truth be told, when i go to bed at night, I am proud of who I am...because at a time when i didn't think i get any lower, i picked myself back up and found the real me again. hmmm. it's funny though. for a girl who has changed so much...i am still the same. i'm still me. it's august and, well, i am excited for those post-its again. ;)
my last couple entries have either been depressing or angry, lol, and i'm over it. i'm over drama. i don't need it. yea, im gonna get sad sometimes...but thats called life. that's called being 15---i do not need to be crying myself to sleep, especially over a boy or "boy situation." I don't need to make things bigger or more devestating than they need to be. There is plenty of time in life to be sad, and 15 years old is not one of them.
I have the best friends in the world. this whole summer...actually whole year, wouldnt have ended ok if it wasn't for them. I would kick some serious ass for these people because i can NEVER repay them for the support i got this year. I love you all--and you most deffinetly know who you are.
so...summer is ending and i just want things to go back to normal. No more summer drama, summer flings, summer crushes, summer confusion. I want the one that I hurt back...because i know i told him, but i miss him more than anything...and i think about you all the time. i just gotta go slow, because i want this time to be *perfect.*
I can't promise anything for this year, because as i learned this past one, you never know what life is gonna bring you...but i can say that this past year, the memories i have, and the friendships i made and the ones who became stronger have made me ready for anything. Tenth grade is going to be just fine..and so am I.