UC Essays

Nov 27, 2005 00:02

I know you guys are probably sick of reading everyone's UC Essays, but if you could give me some honest feedback on mine I would really appreciate it.

take a look )

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Comments 1

_starofdawn November 27 2005, 11:36:00 UTC
Your voice is kind of lacking. I mean, it's there, just not a whole lot.

For educational one, topic was shaky, but you addressed it nicely.

"I am currently enrolled in an Intro to Psychology class, as well as Advanced Placement Calculus and Environmental Science."
Make sure you add in that it's APES, because the person can easily mistake it for AP Calculus, and Environmental Science.

I was scared that your vegetarian essay would be offending, but you didn't say anything too rash. If the essay reader was like me, they would crinkle their nose at the first paragraph, but I highly doubt anyone besides me is so proud to be an omnivore.

"By the time I put the dish into the oven, what should have been Eggplant Manicotti looked more like Eggplant Roadkill."
Ah! A joke! So you can be funny. Make the reader laugh; jokes = voice, and jokes = makes the reader laugh.

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