i hope your as happy as your pretending.
i dont get it.
why did he do this? again. if he didnt love me like he said, then why would he have even gone back out with me? and no one believes that he would want to hurt me. all they can do is get upset at me for being so sad about it. "get over it. he loves you more than anything." yeah.. and hes proved it soo well too. was he trying to hurt me? i just dont understand how he could keep doing that to me. what is so wrong with me? like seriously.. what would make him want to screw around with other people? what would make him want to slowly kill me inside? what would make him do these things. it just hurts. so much. there really isnt anything left for me in this world. he was all that i was living for. i dont care how emo that sounds, its the truth. im just an empty shell walking around. and im getting into some bad shit. and i know its cuz i want to forget about him. i might do some shrooms next weekend with michael. i know it wont help for long.. hell, it might not even help at all. but i miss him, and i cant stand this. its like he was the only thing keeping me alive. like he was a part of me. and when he hurt me, its like i was hurting myself. and when he left, it was like i left. i dont know who i am anymore. or if i even am. i just want everything to be over with. id say if i could, i would take back the year i spent with him, but i would be taking back the best moments of my life. i couldnt sacrifice the only good ive ever known just to rid myself of the bad. besides, its the bad moments that make the good ones so great. i wish i didnt have to be in love. but i dont know what i would do if i had never fallen in love with him. nothing would be the same. i just want it to stop hurting. i just want to be happy again. and i know that the only way that will happen is if i could have him back.. and for him to TRULY be mine. no more him fucking around with stupid whores. no more lies. nothing. i miss him so bad. but yet i know that him being mine again would only mean that i would get hurt again. id be happy, but it would cost me. it would cost me my life once again. ive lost it once already. i cant afford to lose it again.
why did he do this? again. if he didnt love me like he said, then why would he have even gone back out with me? and no one believes that he would want to hurt me. all they can do is get upset at me for being so sad about it. "get over it. he loves you more than anything." yeah.. and hes proved it soo well too. was he trying to hurt me? i just dont understand how he could keep doing that to me. what is so wrong with me? like seriously.. what would make him want to screw around with other people? what would make him want to slowly kill me inside? what would make him do these things. it just hurts. so much. there really isnt anything left for me in this world. he was all that i was living for. i dont care how emo that sounds, its the truth. im just an empty shell walking around. and im getting into some bad shit. and i know its cuz i want to forget about him. i might do some shrooms next weekend with michael. i know it wont help for long.. hell, it might not even help at all. but i miss him, and i cant stand this. its like he was the only thing keeping me alive. like he was a part of me. and when he hurt me, its like i was hurting myself. and when he left, it was like i left. i dont know who i am anymore. or if i even am. i just want everything to be over with. id say if i could, i would take back the year i spent with him, but i would be taking back the best moments of my life. i couldnt sacrifice the only good ive ever known just to rid myself of the bad. besides, its the bad moments that make the good ones so great. i wish i didnt have to be in love. but i dont know what i would do if i had never fallen in love with him. nothing would be the same. i just want it to stop hurting. i just want to be happy again. and i know that the only way that will happen is if i could have him back.. and for him to TRULY be mine. no more him fucking around with stupid whores. no more lies. nothing. i miss him so bad. but yet i know that him being mine again would only mean that i would get hurt again. id be happy, but it would cost me. it would cost me my life once again. ive lost it once already. i cant afford to lose it again.