(no subject)
I havn't updated in forever again, so here it goes.
I'm falling more an more for this girl, more than I thought I could right now. I mean she's utterly amazing. Although she has changed in the past few weeks, I don't know if it's a good or bad change, but ohwell. Currently, I have managed to cause myself to become an insomniac. Apparently according to the doctor, I tried to change my sleeping habbits so fast that my brain stopped causing this chemical that is supposed to tell you that you are asleep. Well without it, you never feel tired, you just sit there, not quite for sure if you are asleep or not when you lay down. All I do is lie down when I think I should be tired, and things flood my head, thoughts of her, trying to play out our relationship, if we ever have one, in my head. Wondering if she will ever like me, or always just consider me a friend. Wondering what I am doing wrong for this to take so long, assuming the worst automatically and getting depressed over the thought. Then realizing I have to give her time to deicde, then the cycle starts over till I finally turn on music, or fall asleep for a few hours before my piercing alarm wakes me up. I hate myself.
I'm falling more an more for this girl, more than I thought I could right now. I mean she's utterly amazing. Although she has changed in the past few weeks, I don't know if it's a good or bad change, but ohwell. Currently, I have managed to cause myself to become an insomniac. Apparently according to the doctor, I tried to change my sleeping habbits so fast that my brain stopped causing this chemical that is supposed to tell you that you are asleep. Well without it, you never feel tired, you just sit there, not quite for sure if you are asleep or not when you lay down. All I do is lie down when I think I should be tired, and things flood my head, thoughts of her, trying to play out our relationship, if we ever have one, in my head. Wondering if she will ever like me, or always just consider me a friend. Wondering what I am doing wrong for this to take so long, assuming the worst automatically and getting depressed over the thought. Then realizing I have to give her time to deicde, then the cycle starts over till I finally turn on music, or fall asleep for a few hours before my piercing alarm wakes me up. I hate myself.