(no subject)
I'd really appreciate it if you took the time to read this. i'm getting alot off of my chest, and I have alot to say.
I think I'm starting to experience a downfall.
Last summer (the summer before this school year), I had a lot of friends, I was always out getting drunk, and I had a shit load of fun. I was going around doing whatever the hell I wanted to. I pretty much didn't give a shit. When I had a girlfriend, I rolled right through it. I didn't care.
School starts and things are still going well. I don't give a shit about school, but hey, who cares, I'm having fun. Soon after the school year starts, I meet a girl named Lori. When we first started talking, I always thought to myself, "Damn, I want this girl so bad, and I'm going to get it." In the past, relationship wise, I could always get what I wanted. In this case, the same applied. We start dating, and things are going out perfectly. The first two months are awesome. I'm doing all kinds of cute shit. We never fought, anything.
I get kicked out of my house. The explaination I will keep to myself.
When I was kicked out, I had nobody there besides Lori. I moved in with my dad (which, keep in mind, has ever since been awesome), and things are going smoothly again.
Three months rolled around. I do the same shit, fuck up the same stuff that I fucked up in previous relationships. We later break up, and then we get back together. This time, she dumps me. Now, we are no longer in retrospect.
I've been trying to get her back, but all of my attempts have been faulty. I don't like exiting relationships when everything hasn't run its course yet, and I'm not trying to let it happen this time. As of now, I have a burning feeling in my chest, and I have the constant feeling that something bad is about to happen. I'm losing all my friends, and I feel like I'm fucking up everything that I have. The only positive side is that I'm achieving in school now.
I know I probably deserve what I'm getting, because I can be a huge dick, and I know that my previous girlfriends that peep my livejournal are probably getting a kick out of this, because I most likely put them through the same shit that I'm experiencing now. It seems as if she was born to give me a lesson, almost. I'm willing to change for her, and try and get her back, but I don't know what to do. I need serious help.
Today I had a dream, where the whole time, I was crying. In the dream, I was in a spacious room with people that I don't recognize, but in the dream I knew so well. I was crying to them the whole time, and for some reason, the whole time I was trying to light wet cigarettes. In the dream, I kept trying to get Lori back, and she was interested in some other guy, or something. I was also forced to move home. The dream basically put everything that I'm experiencing into one session. I woke up feeling like complete shit, and thought to myself. "I need to go outside. Now." I was sitting out there, shirtless, in 20 degree weather, just thinking. Thinking of what the hell I can do now.
I think I'm starting to experience a downfall.
Last summer (the summer before this school year), I had a lot of friends, I was always out getting drunk, and I had a shit load of fun. I was going around doing whatever the hell I wanted to. I pretty much didn't give a shit. When I had a girlfriend, I rolled right through it. I didn't care.
School starts and things are still going well. I don't give a shit about school, but hey, who cares, I'm having fun. Soon after the school year starts, I meet a girl named Lori. When we first started talking, I always thought to myself, "Damn, I want this girl so bad, and I'm going to get it." In the past, relationship wise, I could always get what I wanted. In this case, the same applied. We start dating, and things are going out perfectly. The first two months are awesome. I'm doing all kinds of cute shit. We never fought, anything.
I get kicked out of my house. The explaination I will keep to myself.
When I was kicked out, I had nobody there besides Lori. I moved in with my dad (which, keep in mind, has ever since been awesome), and things are going smoothly again.
Three months rolled around. I do the same shit, fuck up the same stuff that I fucked up in previous relationships. We later break up, and then we get back together. This time, she dumps me. Now, we are no longer in retrospect.
I've been trying to get her back, but all of my attempts have been faulty. I don't like exiting relationships when everything hasn't run its course yet, and I'm not trying to let it happen this time. As of now, I have a burning feeling in my chest, and I have the constant feeling that something bad is about to happen. I'm losing all my friends, and I feel like I'm fucking up everything that I have. The only positive side is that I'm achieving in school now.
I know I probably deserve what I'm getting, because I can be a huge dick, and I know that my previous girlfriends that peep my livejournal are probably getting a kick out of this, because I most likely put them through the same shit that I'm experiencing now. It seems as if she was born to give me a lesson, almost. I'm willing to change for her, and try and get her back, but I don't know what to do. I need serious help.
Today I had a dream, where the whole time, I was crying. In the dream, I was in a spacious room with people that I don't recognize, but in the dream I knew so well. I was crying to them the whole time, and for some reason, the whole time I was trying to light wet cigarettes. In the dream, I kept trying to get Lori back, and she was interested in some other guy, or something. I was also forced to move home. The dream basically put everything that I'm experiencing into one session. I woke up feeling like complete shit, and thought to myself. "I need to go outside. Now." I was sitting out there, shirtless, in 20 degree weather, just thinking. Thinking of what the hell I can do now.