what little of it can I say
directions, directions, directions. Where is my life heading to at the moment? Spiralling towards death's door, lost the middle of time and quantum theory, or something else altogether. Haha, I wonder.
I'm seriously considering changing my MSN sub-nick to 'emotionally unsound', but I hardly appreciate the idea of people thinking of me along the lines of 'emo'. =/ Does that me a coward, someone who stereotypes (since I don't like to be labelled 'emo'), or way too paranoid about someone else's opinion of me.
Hm I can't say for sure if I'm seeking an answer or if I was stating a fact.
Well, anyway, I'm in the weirdest mood right now. I feel sleepy, but that is definitely out won by this heavy weight I seem to be carrying, yet apparently outlined by a sense of detachment --- a very odd combination. It is depression with aloofness, and unwillingness mixed excitement. My english is erratic, and in normal times, I would be severely flustered over this, but I couldn't care less now. i think.
This is going to sound weak, lame, gay, tarty-farty-tarded, or whatsoever, but I'm caught in one of those 'aww' moments over this local drama. Seeing Yousuke and Juxiang apart, yet together -- separated then united -- i somehow wish the definition of love was that simple, just like unspoken loyalty. they make feel hopeful for a bit. but knowing very well what tragic ending awaits them saddens me greatly. while the peranakan people are governed by food and embroidery, i seriously think mine is governed by those fairytales and nursery rhymes of early childhood days.
i've been singing the Daisy Daisy nursery rhyme these days. recalling the song reminds me of an illustration of male flower that sings this sweet little piece of music to his lover, a daisy flower. very creative, isn't it? that's where you find your best illustrators! in children's books!
blasting Enya over my speakers (but actually can you actually blast enya? with that soft ethereal voice, it's almost wrong to put it along the lines of blasting).... and just letting my thoughts knot themselves in. I'm feeling so very weird. at the edge of letting go, but the barrier stands.
homework beckons, but i --
i.
people say the only poem i've written about my life (a few entries back) is really unusual. haha, it probably comes off egoistic, but till now, it is still very much relevant.
Can, may, should, would --
I?
O God. i'm sinful, yet unapologetic. i'm gracing the edge of your patience, if there was a limit to it. i crave ----- but Lord, forgive me.
I'm seriously considering changing my MSN sub-nick to 'emotionally unsound', but I hardly appreciate the idea of people thinking of me along the lines of 'emo'. =/ Does that me a coward, someone who stereotypes (since I don't like to be labelled 'emo'), or way too paranoid about someone else's opinion of me.
Hm I can't say for sure if I'm seeking an answer or if I was stating a fact.
Well, anyway, I'm in the weirdest mood right now. I feel sleepy, but that is definitely out won by this heavy weight I seem to be carrying, yet apparently outlined by a sense of detachment --- a very odd combination. It is depression with aloofness, and unwillingness mixed excitement. My english is erratic, and in normal times, I would be severely flustered over this, but I couldn't care less now. i think.
This is going to sound weak, lame, gay, tarty-farty-tarded, or whatsoever, but I'm caught in one of those 'aww' moments over this local drama. Seeing Yousuke and Juxiang apart, yet together -- separated then united -- i somehow wish the definition of love was that simple, just like unspoken loyalty. they make feel hopeful for a bit. but knowing very well what tragic ending awaits them saddens me greatly. while the peranakan people are governed by food and embroidery, i seriously think mine is governed by those fairytales and nursery rhymes of early childhood days.
i've been singing the Daisy Daisy nursery rhyme these days. recalling the song reminds me of an illustration of male flower that sings this sweet little piece of music to his lover, a daisy flower. very creative, isn't it? that's where you find your best illustrators! in children's books!
blasting Enya over my speakers (but actually can you actually blast enya? with that soft ethereal voice, it's almost wrong to put it along the lines of blasting).... and just letting my thoughts knot themselves in. I'm feeling so very weird. at the edge of letting go, but the barrier stands.
homework beckons, but i --
i.
people say the only poem i've written about my life (a few entries back) is really unusual. haha, it probably comes off egoistic, but till now, it is still very much relevant.
Can, may, should, would --
I?
O God. i'm sinful, yet unapologetic. i'm gracing the edge of your patience, if there was a limit to it. i crave ----- but Lord, forgive me.