the things we all think and do.
Please know that I'm not one for coming up with these all-of-a-sudden bullshit epiphanies, and I hope this doesn't come off that way. Haha, I'm so lame.
Anyway, I've been thinking about things lately. It's sad how people hold vanity on such a high pedestal, but deny it like crazy. Of course, I like looking good. I love wearing nice clothes, I like fixing my hair. I just like feeling attractive. For awhile, it seemed as though I was starting to notice every small flaw about myself. The width of my nose when I smile, my smile in general(I have one big mouth), the little bump on my ear from this cartilidge piercing I had done over 4 years ago. At first, these were things that never really mattered to me until a couple of people started calling them out in just a jokingly manner, but it really got to me.
Everyday before I would get ready to either go to class or go out with friends, I'd notice these flaws and want so desperately for them to just go away. It even got to the point where pictures I took by myself would have the same poses so I could avoid people seeing what I REALLY looked like. For whatever reason, my outlook on this stuff started to change. I see people in the media, and it seems as though they have no facial expression. When I smile, I now appreciate how wide my nose gets. The little bump on my ear is a reminder of being 14 years old and wanting something I was never allowed to have before.(a piercing, duh) My toothy ass smile lets everyone know just how happy I can be.
I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I'm so bothered by people who are obsessed with vanity, but deny it to such a high extent. Admit you like to feel attractive if you really feel that way. There's nothing wrong with it. I think that there is a fine line between telling the truth and being vain. Flaws are something that every person has. I've come to terms with mine, and now I actually accept them because they are part of my true identity. Hopefully someone will someday view these flaws of mine as something beautiful that makes me who I am to them. Trying to change it or hide it is pointless, because they will always be there in some way, shape, or form.
Ugh, long ass entry. I hate those. Oh well. It just felt like something that needed to be said.