A moment ago I was shaving,
and I asked myself, "What if I was a total and complete douchebag?
Meet douchebag Kevin.
He thinks a proper greeting is "What's up dudebro!!!!!" even to his girlfriend (who no one's ever met suspiciously...)
He takes his myspace pictures from a low angle and squints his eyes because he thinks it makes him look "Tough... like John Cena", and some people say it's impossible for a camera to go off if he doesn't have a gang sign up.
His hobbies are daterape, fag bashing, shopping for hats, "**LiViN ErRy DaY LyKe ItZ 420!!!**", shopping for anything with an SRH logo on it, pretending he's in a gang, Hangin with his boiz in his totally pimped out truck, talkin to hottiez on myspace, listenin to KmK and 3 Doors Down with his new subs, defiling the English language, and asking people much smaller than him "Yo what you lookin at bitch?!"
He drinks Busch, Milwaukee's Best, and Miller High Life "But only on special occasions bro, like if my girl gets a promotion so we can afford it, or at my wedding or some fucking shit like that... because you know bro... It's like... it's like...you can only live the highlife sometimes dudebro, lol you get me cuz?"
His favorite movies are Scarface, The Fast And The Furious, 2 Fast 2 Furious, Fast and The Furious Tokyo Drift, Redline, Bad Boys 1 and 2, Get Rich or Die Tryin', Torque, and "Anythin with those Wayan Brothers in it, those motha fucka's are fuckin hilarious as shit man."
Douchebag Kevin is a religious man, and when asked about his faith he had this to say
"Yo fool you gotta be listenin to the word of God man... yeah! The JAY-OH-DEE!!"
"You worship someone named Jod?"
"YO FOOL YOU CLOWNIN ON MY RELIGION?! YO FOOL I'LL FUCK YOU UP FOOL, IM FUCKIN HARD AS SHIT FOOL, AND IT'S LIKE THE UMMM, THE APOSTICLES SAID TO JESUS, 'HE WHO HATHETH THROWETH THE FIRST STONETH' FUCKIN... FUCKIN... 'THROWETH THE LAST ONE' YEAH, FOOL I THROW STONES BITCH, I'LL MAKE IT RAIN ON YO ASS."
Alright, I can't pretend to be a fucking bro anymore, I feel deeply ashamed of myself. I'm gonna go shave this fucking thing.
Meet douchebag Kevin.
He thinks a proper greeting is "What's up dudebro!!!!!" even to his girlfriend (who no one's ever met suspiciously...)
He takes his myspace pictures from a low angle and squints his eyes because he thinks it makes him look "Tough... like John Cena", and some people say it's impossible for a camera to go off if he doesn't have a gang sign up.
His hobbies are daterape, fag bashing, shopping for hats, "**LiViN ErRy DaY LyKe ItZ 420!!!**", shopping for anything with an SRH logo on it, pretending he's in a gang, Hangin with his boiz in his totally pimped out truck, talkin to hottiez on myspace, listenin to KmK and 3 Doors Down with his new subs, defiling the English language, and asking people much smaller than him "Yo what you lookin at bitch?!"
He drinks Busch, Milwaukee's Best, and Miller High Life "But only on special occasions bro, like if my girl gets a promotion so we can afford it, or at my wedding or some fucking shit like that... because you know bro... It's like... it's like...you can only live the highlife sometimes dudebro, lol you get me cuz?"
His favorite movies are Scarface, The Fast And The Furious, 2 Fast 2 Furious, Fast and The Furious Tokyo Drift, Redline, Bad Boys 1 and 2, Get Rich or Die Tryin', Torque, and "Anythin with those Wayan Brothers in it, those motha fucka's are fuckin hilarious as shit man."
Douchebag Kevin is a religious man, and when asked about his faith he had this to say
"Yo fool you gotta be listenin to the word of God man... yeah! The JAY-OH-DEE!!"
"You worship someone named Jod?"
"YO FOOL YOU CLOWNIN ON MY RELIGION?! YO FOOL I'LL FUCK YOU UP FOOL, IM FUCKIN HARD AS SHIT FOOL, AND IT'S LIKE THE UMMM, THE APOSTICLES SAID TO JESUS, 'HE WHO HATHETH THROWETH THE FIRST STONETH' FUCKIN... FUCKIN... 'THROWETH THE LAST ONE' YEAH, FOOL I THROW STONES BITCH, I'LL MAKE IT RAIN ON YO ASS."
Alright, I can't pretend to be a fucking bro anymore, I feel deeply ashamed of myself. I'm gonna go shave this fucking thing.