Shit.
I went to Barnes and Noble tonight looking for a book and walking out with a new realization of myself. I've been lost as a person for a few years. At an early age i thougth I had myself all figured out... I was wrong. Life hands you shit most of the time and the most you can do with it is take it. I told my friend Liz, who's opinion I repsect a lot, a few days ago that I cannot remember the last time I was truly happy. I do things that make me happy for a few minutes or hours like getting trashed or high at a party with a bunch of my guy friends and girl friends that you can talk about just about anything with. Or fooling around with a certain guy that I fell in love with over these years no matter how much it ends up hurting me, because for a little while, i dont feel used, i feel loved and cared for. Maybe I'm not being used, but it sure as hell feels like it a lot of the time.
But anyways, back to barnes and noble.. I was looking for a book, a good book- one that I would definetly like.. and I havent read in such a long time. I used to love it, but I just didnt have time anymore, and now after I had Popular Literature last semester I'm addicted to pages. So there I stood with my Starbucks and huge purse balancing out my body stance amoungst a field of oppertunitites. I find myself looking for something NOT to relate to. I'm tired of myself and I'm tired of my life so I wanted to get lost into something else. After reading a lot of book backs and playing constant inny minny miny mo in my head I found a book about a mother and a daughter, the daughter is 10, so I really didnt think it would relate to my life at all. I was completely wrong.
I grew up so shy, but my mind is constantly moving. I never said what I thought outloud because I was afraid of what people might say about it. These past few years I've subconsiously forced myself out of that shell, maybe i've been just so numb by verbal abusive over the years past my childhood that I felt i had no other choice. The past few years that I've been working myself out of this, life has been getting better and better. It doesnt feel like it because things are still shitty, but I realized that before your life gets better, its shitty.
But anyways, back to barnes and noble.. I was looking for a book, a good book- one that I would definetly like.. and I havent read in such a long time. I used to love it, but I just didnt have time anymore, and now after I had Popular Literature last semester I'm addicted to pages. So there I stood with my Starbucks and huge purse balancing out my body stance amoungst a field of oppertunitites. I find myself looking for something NOT to relate to. I'm tired of myself and I'm tired of my life so I wanted to get lost into something else. After reading a lot of book backs and playing constant inny minny miny mo in my head I found a book about a mother and a daughter, the daughter is 10, so I really didnt think it would relate to my life at all. I was completely wrong.
I grew up so shy, but my mind is constantly moving. I never said what I thought outloud because I was afraid of what people might say about it. These past few years I've subconsiously forced myself out of that shell, maybe i've been just so numb by verbal abusive over the years past my childhood that I felt i had no other choice. The past few years that I've been working myself out of this, life has been getting better and better. It doesnt feel like it because things are still shitty, but I realized that before your life gets better, its shitty.