(no subject)
well, it has been a while. and i was just reading a whole bunch of past entries and its weird because SO MUCH has changed. from will to justin to conor to blue eyes- it's just weird. will is chill with both justin and i which makes me feel really relieved because there was so much shit that went on that i totally will never forgive myself for. i feel like i could have handled that situation so much better. and i'm wondering if he is okay with this now because he's seeing how amazing justin and i fit? i dont know. but with conor. we weren't talking. for a long time. just like random times where i attempted to fix stuff, but i just chickened out and never said anything i wanted to. but monday i finally just cracked and we talked about everything and i told him to tell me how he felt about everything and he did and i told him how i felt, and we've decided to put everything in the past, and just work with what we have now. which makes me happy. cause so much weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
blue eyes. i dont know what to say. i've talked to justin about him and it sucks still. that i haven't heard from him. anything.. at all. and you know justin is worried that what if he does come back and wants to marry me and shit. but i know that i would never go back to someone who did that to me, and on top of that, i love justin so much more than i will ever love anyone else, and NOTHING can change that.
last night after topsiders practice in greenport, i brought kayla back early with me because she wasn't feeling well at all, and we had a talk about a lot of stuff. and she just took me by surprise when after a few minutes of silence she just said "i can't do this to myself anymore." randy is in three bands, working lots of hours and kayla is just tagging along.. and she feels that there isn't even a relationship anymore. and she is circling her life around his, and she can't do it anymore. she was saying how when theres something with her not being able to get off of work he says how she's screwing up his plans, which sucks. and she doesn't want to, but she said that if this doesn't get any better, she might have to leave him. which i dont want at all, because when they aren't having problems they are so good together. she was saying how in the beginning of their relationship up until the guys from FFE started disliking her because "she changed randy" everything was great. and it's dumb that they are getting mad at her for that, because she has changed randy, but the change that they are talking about is for a healthier decision. i dont know. it really sucks watching this happen because she is so upset. and she loves him so much, with all of her heart. she sacrifices a lot of stuff she wants to do, because randy has so many things on his plate. and he's not really realizing that. :/
on the brighter side, justin and i celebrated our one year anniversary on june eleventh eee!!! :) so happy! you know we have a few problems every once in a while but we haven't gotten into any enormous fights, which is such a great thing. we are so in loooove :) ah! im so damn happy. just the same as i was one year ago! if you read some of my other previous journal entries, you'll see!
well. i'm graduating on saturday. which is one of the most bizarre things i could think of right now. you know nothing has hit me. but on the last day of school i was bawling. sobbing and everyone was. but that's what we do. hahaha. im going to miss everyone. but im trying not to think all sad and shit. i already talked about the whole college thing.
but! justin is only going to be like an hour away from me :) which is wonderful, i think.
okay ive had enough of writing and thinking. i need to take a break and study my chem on the couch cause i have my test today. errr. okay. goodbye.
blue eyes. i dont know what to say. i've talked to justin about him and it sucks still. that i haven't heard from him. anything.. at all. and you know justin is worried that what if he does come back and wants to marry me and shit. but i know that i would never go back to someone who did that to me, and on top of that, i love justin so much more than i will ever love anyone else, and NOTHING can change that.
last night after topsiders practice in greenport, i brought kayla back early with me because she wasn't feeling well at all, and we had a talk about a lot of stuff. and she just took me by surprise when after a few minutes of silence she just said "i can't do this to myself anymore." randy is in three bands, working lots of hours and kayla is just tagging along.. and she feels that there isn't even a relationship anymore. and she is circling her life around his, and she can't do it anymore. she was saying how when theres something with her not being able to get off of work he says how she's screwing up his plans, which sucks. and she doesn't want to, but she said that if this doesn't get any better, she might have to leave him. which i dont want at all, because when they aren't having problems they are so good together. she was saying how in the beginning of their relationship up until the guys from FFE started disliking her because "she changed randy" everything was great. and it's dumb that they are getting mad at her for that, because she has changed randy, but the change that they are talking about is for a healthier decision. i dont know. it really sucks watching this happen because she is so upset. and she loves him so much, with all of her heart. she sacrifices a lot of stuff she wants to do, because randy has so many things on his plate. and he's not really realizing that. :/
on the brighter side, justin and i celebrated our one year anniversary on june eleventh eee!!! :) so happy! you know we have a few problems every once in a while but we haven't gotten into any enormous fights, which is such a great thing. we are so in loooove :) ah! im so damn happy. just the same as i was one year ago! if you read some of my other previous journal entries, you'll see!
well. i'm graduating on saturday. which is one of the most bizarre things i could think of right now. you know nothing has hit me. but on the last day of school i was bawling. sobbing and everyone was. but that's what we do. hahaha. im going to miss everyone. but im trying not to think all sad and shit. i already talked about the whole college thing.
but! justin is only going to be like an hour away from me :) which is wonderful, i think.
okay ive had enough of writing and thinking. i need to take a break and study my chem on the couch cause i have my test today. errr. okay. goodbye.