(no subject)
Look, I'm bitter. I really am.
I'm not bitter because of people, I'm bitter because of their actions and the disrespect I get.
I can't stand how rude people are. I honestly can't stand most people now. They are assholes.
I'm bitter because I loved the feeling, not the people. I wasn't happy at all, I was just satisfied.
That's not a reason to stay, I wish I would've realized it then. I wasn't happy. No one was. No one is.
I cannot stand that my life revolves around doctor appointments, work, and school now.
I have a stress problem. I have told two people, who I think needed to know for my own reasons.
It goes so much deeper than that, but I don't need anyone else to know about it. It's terrifying.
Pills scare me, I should be taking them for my head. But I can't because they make me nervous.
I gave up drinking. It's not something I think I need right now, not under the condition I am in.
My head.. hurts. I can't sleep. I try so hard. I am so exhausted. I can't even take naps anymore.
My head is not only sick all the time, but my body is as well. I get sick every week. I get over something and I get something else.
I am currently getting a D- in what used to be my best class, I've never gotten anything lower than a C.
It brings me down a lot, I feel like school is the only thing I have that I'm honestly, really, good at.
It's something that is going to decide what I do with my life, rather than me.
I always tell myself to try harder, but I never do. I can never get myself to truly try to do good.
I honestly can't say I have friends treat me good. Everyone and their significant other is all that matters.
I don't care what you say I was like, all of you are far worse than I was. And I realized how stupid it was.
All these guys will fuck you over, 24/7, or maybe in most of your cases, you will fuck them over.
But you know who will always be there. And I am one of those people. I wish you guys realized this.
I want to start meeting new people, totally new, I want to move. I want to start over.
Most people here are extremely fake, but who isn't nowadays. That's how everyone gets through life.
Everyone does fend for themselves. I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere by being a nice person. But I know that's what I have to do.
And I know I haven't been that nice person lately, because none of you have been that person to me.
But It's completely obvious what is going on with me. I am falling apart, I did fall apart. And I am not back to me yet. This all hurt so bad.
I want to be back to who I was so bad, and it's really hard to do that. When I let people into my heart it's so hard because I always get fucked.
I start calling people my bestfriends again, and I don't even think they act like it. I can't call all of you my friends, because you aren't.
I hate how I am so scared to be in a relationship again that I won't even let myself. I can't bring myself to even make that commitment.
I am so scared of living, because I think that I can wake up and be a totaly vegetable and not here at all.
and I hear about all these kids dying so young, and I see all their friends and everyone crying, it's so bad. I don't want that to happen to me.
I do cry almost everynight I am by myself, because everything is so scary to me. I'm so scared of everything.
I'm done. This is just what was on my mind. I can't stand now having anyone to tell that to anymore. No one listens.
I'll try my hardest to stay healthy and to do what I need to do.
I'm not bitter because of people, I'm bitter because of their actions and the disrespect I get.
I can't stand how rude people are. I honestly can't stand most people now. They are assholes.
I'm bitter because I loved the feeling, not the people. I wasn't happy at all, I was just satisfied.
That's not a reason to stay, I wish I would've realized it then. I wasn't happy. No one was. No one is.
I cannot stand that my life revolves around doctor appointments, work, and school now.
I have a stress problem. I have told two people, who I think needed to know for my own reasons.
It goes so much deeper than that, but I don't need anyone else to know about it. It's terrifying.
Pills scare me, I should be taking them for my head. But I can't because they make me nervous.
I gave up drinking. It's not something I think I need right now, not under the condition I am in.
My head.. hurts. I can't sleep. I try so hard. I am so exhausted. I can't even take naps anymore.
My head is not only sick all the time, but my body is as well. I get sick every week. I get over something and I get something else.
I am currently getting a D- in what used to be my best class, I've never gotten anything lower than a C.
It brings me down a lot, I feel like school is the only thing I have that I'm honestly, really, good at.
It's something that is going to decide what I do with my life, rather than me.
I always tell myself to try harder, but I never do. I can never get myself to truly try to do good.
I honestly can't say I have friends treat me good. Everyone and their significant other is all that matters.
I don't care what you say I was like, all of you are far worse than I was. And I realized how stupid it was.
All these guys will fuck you over, 24/7, or maybe in most of your cases, you will fuck them over.
But you know who will always be there. And I am one of those people. I wish you guys realized this.
I want to start meeting new people, totally new, I want to move. I want to start over.
Most people here are extremely fake, but who isn't nowadays. That's how everyone gets through life.
Everyone does fend for themselves. I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere by being a nice person. But I know that's what I have to do.
And I know I haven't been that nice person lately, because none of you have been that person to me.
But It's completely obvious what is going on with me. I am falling apart, I did fall apart. And I am not back to me yet. This all hurt so bad.
I want to be back to who I was so bad, and it's really hard to do that. When I let people into my heart it's so hard because I always get fucked.
I start calling people my bestfriends again, and I don't even think they act like it. I can't call all of you my friends, because you aren't.
I hate how I am so scared to be in a relationship again that I won't even let myself. I can't bring myself to even make that commitment.
I am so scared of living, because I think that I can wake up and be a totaly vegetable and not here at all.
and I hear about all these kids dying so young, and I see all their friends and everyone crying, it's so bad. I don't want that to happen to me.
I do cry almost everynight I am by myself, because everything is so scary to me. I'm so scared of everything.
I'm done. This is just what was on my mind. I can't stand now having anyone to tell that to anymore. No one listens.
I'll try my hardest to stay healthy and to do what I need to do.