(no subject)
so, im going to start to update alot more, because well i miss writing about my feelings. ♥
today i struggled all through the day. i think the only time i was happy was when i got to see chad after all my classes but even then i was just acting happy. in reality i wish i could just stand there, anywhere with him, just holding him and letting him hold me cause its really what i need. i need to be held, i need to be told everything is going to be ok. i know it might sound immature, its just when im unsure of things and im upset i like to be able to feel like someone is there. chad kept telling me online all night that it was going to be alright, that he was here for me whenever i need him, that he cares about me, and that he would never let anything happen to me and if something did, he would help me through it. i told him thanks, and he said thats what he is here for ♥
tomorrow i don't even want to go to school, it sickens me. it's going to go slow, seriously. im going to be looking at the clock knowing i have to make the dreadful phone call at twelve oclock to see if my grandmother pulled through. my dad said she goes in at 615; but its a 3-5 hour surgery. its the most scariest feeling in the world. my grandma is helpless and i can't even help her. i feel useless and it totally kills my heart.
people are still talking alot of crap on me, and about me and chad. seriously, i dont think it matters at all. everyone can talk, but whats it going to do? nothing. seriously. people need to grow up... their in highschool now, not middleschool-- they need a reality check, and they need one fast.
my gram and my mom got in a horrible fight today. it ended with my mom telling my gram to shut up and slamming doors. i was really scared. its like this constant fight about anything anymore, i hate it. if you can find something to fight about at my house, we'll fight about it.
kelly and i decided to go on a diet. not really a diet, but i want to lose some weight so i am going to cut pop and junk food out of my regular eating routine. its going to be strictly water (sometimes juice) and healthy food. im also going to start exercising alot more and making myself feel better about my apperance.
other than that, im just depressed. i guess cause of everything thats going on, and i have a horrible cold on top of that-- and i have cramps, which sucks. so it just feels like the world is caving in on me right now, even though i really know that it isn't. it just feels like it. ♥
today i struggled all through the day. i think the only time i was happy was when i got to see chad after all my classes but even then i was just acting happy. in reality i wish i could just stand there, anywhere with him, just holding him and letting him hold me cause its really what i need. i need to be held, i need to be told everything is going to be ok. i know it might sound immature, its just when im unsure of things and im upset i like to be able to feel like someone is there. chad kept telling me online all night that it was going to be alright, that he was here for me whenever i need him, that he cares about me, and that he would never let anything happen to me and if something did, he would help me through it. i told him thanks, and he said thats what he is here for ♥
tomorrow i don't even want to go to school, it sickens me. it's going to go slow, seriously. im going to be looking at the clock knowing i have to make the dreadful phone call at twelve oclock to see if my grandmother pulled through. my dad said she goes in at 615; but its a 3-5 hour surgery. its the most scariest feeling in the world. my grandma is helpless and i can't even help her. i feel useless and it totally kills my heart.
people are still talking alot of crap on me, and about me and chad. seriously, i dont think it matters at all. everyone can talk, but whats it going to do? nothing. seriously. people need to grow up... their in highschool now, not middleschool-- they need a reality check, and they need one fast.
my gram and my mom got in a horrible fight today. it ended with my mom telling my gram to shut up and slamming doors. i was really scared. its like this constant fight about anything anymore, i hate it. if you can find something to fight about at my house, we'll fight about it.
kelly and i decided to go on a diet. not really a diet, but i want to lose some weight so i am going to cut pop and junk food out of my regular eating routine. its going to be strictly water (sometimes juice) and healthy food. im also going to start exercising alot more and making myself feel better about my apperance.
other than that, im just depressed. i guess cause of everything thats going on, and i have a horrible cold on top of that-- and i have cramps, which sucks. so it just feels like the world is caving in on me right now, even though i really know that it isn't. it just feels like it. ♥