(no subject)
I cant STAND how you always think we need to break up when we fight. I cant stand how when we "take a break" you're automatically single & you have to make sure everyone fucking knows it. like taking me out of your info. like changing your myspace status to single. that's bullshit. I dont wanna put up with that. I cant stand that whenever we "break up" it's always your idea. I cant stand that I'm not considered one of the most important things to you. I cant stand that you never know what you want. I cant stand how you never know how you feel about things. I cant stand how you never have anything to say about anything. I cant stand how the only thing you know how to say is "I dont know". I just cant stand feeling like I'm the only one that's trying to make this relationship work. It's almost been a year & we still bicker constantly, but it's okay. it's okay to fight. it's okay that our relationship isn't perfect. It never was. but I think that you're just staying with me, because you're waiting for someone better to come along. I dont know if I should believe you anymore when you tell me you love me or when you tell me that you want to be with me forever because there have been so many occasions when you've made me doubt everything. like when you need everybody to know that we're not together, maybe hoping that you'll get booty call before you drag your feet coming back to me. it doesn't make any sense when you tell me you wanna be with me forever, but then you tell me that no one's together forever. it doesn't make any sense that things are finally good between us, & you still have your myspace status saying that your single. it shouldn't have even been there in the first place. you dont think that I'd find out about that, just like you didn't think I'd find out about you taking me out of your info. it makes me think that there are other things that you're hiding from me. it makes me think that you're not the person that I thought you were. you're not the person that I thought I fell in love with. I find it hard to try to explain my self to you & then when I finally do, you have nothing to say. when I'm mad you know it, but still you dont bother asking what's wrong because you just dont feel like putting up with me shit. maybe I wouldn't have so much shit that you would need to put up with if you just talked to me & tell me how you really feel about things. you make me think that you're still with me because we've been together so long it just feels like the right thing to do. a question I constantly ask myself is, why be with someone for so long when you dont plan on spending a majority of your life with them? a majority meaning most of. so I wonder, why be with me, when you dont plan on spending the majority of your life with me? as much as you say that you want to, I still dont believe it. I think you know that you cant live without me & that I cant live without you & it scares you.