this is the sound of settlinggg. =].
I think that I'm ready to stop acting like a kid,
and grow the fuck up.
With everyone, with my friends, with boys, with my 'relationships' with boys, and my friends.
I don't want to just sit here, and watch everything pass me by.
I don't want to watch something bad happen, I don't want to watch it progess, and NOT do anything about it.
I want someone to be there for me.
I want you to be there for me, I miss you.
I don't know what it is, but.. I can't get this kid off of my mind.
Granted, I liked him before.. but, not nearly as much.
And I'm worried.. I know, I shouldn't be.
Haha, me of all people.. Worried about a boy.
I shouldn't care, right? It's just a stupid boy..
Yeah, just a stupid boy who's horribly cute,
and stays up untill seven in the morning with me at my house,
then has to drive all the way back home, and go to school in the morning.
Who holds my hand constantly, infront of anyone, anytime, anywhere.
Takes me to abandoned carnivals with every single light on,
and no one there but us, and kisses me for the 1st time in months since we've talked.. SOBER.
I'm gonna let this run its course, and see where we both end up.
I think that me being worried, is something that is like.. I think that I might like it.
Like, I'm putting myself out there again.
For someone else to get to know me, and be vulnerable to someone else for the 1st time in a long timeeee.
Ya know, that nervous feeling where you're letting that person have control, in hopes they wont fuck it up?
I've kind of have that feeling right now.
I'm apprehensive about letting my gurad down, but I'm more than ready to drop it.
I dont need to be in a realtionship, frankly.. i dont really evne want one, it's just getting know someone.. haha, it's kinda scary.
well, the scary part that you might just start to like 'em, ya knowww?
I'm fixing things with rotella too.
I have too much drama right now, to have UNSETTLED drama.
I've decied to be the mature one in the situation, and seal the dealll.
Don't get me wrong, I still care about the kid, I think he's an aweome guy, I always will.
He's just way toooo dramatic for me, I've got enough of that shit as it is.
Aside from all that shit,
I'm really happy. I really am.
I've been thinking a lot lately, though.
About a lot of different things that happened last year, and how much i miss it.
Then again how much I don't miss it,
but i'm happy it happened, 'cause it made me a better person, and part of who I am right now.
i just miss a lot of people, some more than others.