good things.
so Ive been taking pretty big baby (oxymoron)steps for myself lately and i feel really accomplished its good.
its really good for or it has been for the past 2 weeks to be outta that house and out of that negative environment into a mrentally nourishing environment surround by amazing people that love me. It's really helped me get my head straight and figure out a lot of stuff and for that i am forever grateful to allie love and harris love. seriously you guys have helped me get to a positive place in life right now and thats all i needed to figure my shit out. Thank you SOOOOO much. i love you guys from the bottom of my heart i really don't think i can express how greatful i am. You've helped me more than you could ever know. Thank you again. You guys are my best friends.
On the other hand. Brooky, i know you'll look @ this, i know you. I'm sorry that what i did to you last year we were not able to work through. I really did think that we were getting there. You really had me fooled i REALLY thought you cared. and i STILL do think you care. i KNOW you do. i just don't understand why you would do that dude. Like i really did miss you.. sstill do. and i do love you. i hope that we can work past this because i think that you could be good support just even if its talking with my NA and shit. you know? Or like even just seeing me you would see that im not all fucked up I'm okay and im better than i have been in a LONG time. i wish you would be here for me like i believe you want to be. i dont in any way expect you to be or even forgive me for what's happened quite yet. i know i hurt you really bad. we both hurt eachother really bad but i am 100% to blame for EVERYTHING that has happened in the past with us. I really fucked up, i know that. But all i want to do is talk to you about this... if you want to i mean. i dont want you to fake me out again PLEASE, like thats just not cool or nice at all. Just be REAL with me. I love you mommas. I'm not pissed off at you i dont blame you at all i just dont understand how we could be cool before i left ashleys but now you like talk shit? im just CONFUSED and i would like to know whats up ya know? Thank you. If you even read this. I THINK YOU DID THOUGH. (i just made myslef laugh..w hat a fag.)
and me and mike are no longer together at all. we're friends.. if that. There's just too much going on that i need to concentrate on myself and he needs to get his shit straight major too. i dont need someone whos not there for me mentally dragging me down. i cant handle it anymore. It makes me too sad to see him like that and to fight every second of every day because of EVERYTHING and NOTHING at the same time. so i gotta do whats right for me and this is whats right for me right now even though it hurts as much as it does. im just hoping he'll realize what he lost and why and do something about it to change it. NOT for ME but for HIMSELF. He really needs to clear his head of a lot of shit and realise whats important to him and whether or not i am. because at this point im not. but enough of that i was just filling THOSE WHO CARE in on that. i do love him with all of my heart though and will ALWAYS be there for him like i ty to be with all my ex;s. he's my best friend and the love of my life. always will be. "but it all boils down to on equoteable phrase.. 'If you love something, give it away'."
AND KEL,
I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE MY FRIEND OR THERE FOR ME IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE. I DON'T EXPECT YOU TO. BUT I DO EXPECT YOU TO BE AN ADULT AND HELP ME WITH TH EBILLS THAT ARE ON MY CREDIT. HALF OF IT RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE. ITS ONLY FAIR. IM GOING TO BE WORKING A SERVING JOB UP THE ASS TO GET THIS TAKIN CARE OF BECAUSE IF I DONT ILL GO TO JAIL. SO PLEASE. JUST BE AN ADULT AND MESSAGE ME SOMETIME SO I CAN TELL YOU HOW MUCH HALF IS.. THERE IS AN SRP AND A QUEST ONE. THANK YOU,.
whoa. i just got a load off my chest. i feel so good about things right now. i like chris's quote to sum it all up on how im looking at life lately:
"We are what we think. All that we are arises With our thoughts. With our thoughts, We make our world. There is no fire like passion, there is no shark like hatred, there is no snare like folly, there is no torrent like greed."---
its really good for or it has been for the past 2 weeks to be outta that house and out of that negative environment into a mrentally nourishing environment surround by amazing people that love me. It's really helped me get my head straight and figure out a lot of stuff and for that i am forever grateful to allie love and harris love. seriously you guys have helped me get to a positive place in life right now and thats all i needed to figure my shit out. Thank you SOOOOO much. i love you guys from the bottom of my heart i really don't think i can express how greatful i am. You've helped me more than you could ever know. Thank you again. You guys are my best friends.
On the other hand. Brooky, i know you'll look @ this, i know you. I'm sorry that what i did to you last year we were not able to work through. I really did think that we were getting there. You really had me fooled i REALLY thought you cared. and i STILL do think you care. i KNOW you do. i just don't understand why you would do that dude. Like i really did miss you.. sstill do. and i do love you. i hope that we can work past this because i think that you could be good support just even if its talking with my NA and shit. you know? Or like even just seeing me you would see that im not all fucked up I'm okay and im better than i have been in a LONG time. i wish you would be here for me like i believe you want to be. i dont in any way expect you to be or even forgive me for what's happened quite yet. i know i hurt you really bad. we both hurt eachother really bad but i am 100% to blame for EVERYTHING that has happened in the past with us. I really fucked up, i know that. But all i want to do is talk to you about this... if you want to i mean. i dont want you to fake me out again PLEASE, like thats just not cool or nice at all. Just be REAL with me. I love you mommas. I'm not pissed off at you i dont blame you at all i just dont understand how we could be cool before i left ashleys but now you like talk shit? im just CONFUSED and i would like to know whats up ya know? Thank you. If you even read this. I THINK YOU DID THOUGH. (i just made myslef laugh..w hat a fag.)
and me and mike are no longer together at all. we're friends.. if that. There's just too much going on that i need to concentrate on myself and he needs to get his shit straight major too. i dont need someone whos not there for me mentally dragging me down. i cant handle it anymore. It makes me too sad to see him like that and to fight every second of every day because of EVERYTHING and NOTHING at the same time. so i gotta do whats right for me and this is whats right for me right now even though it hurts as much as it does. im just hoping he'll realize what he lost and why and do something about it to change it. NOT for ME but for HIMSELF. He really needs to clear his head of a lot of shit and realise whats important to him and whether or not i am. because at this point im not. but enough of that i was just filling THOSE WHO CARE in on that. i do love him with all of my heart though and will ALWAYS be there for him like i ty to be with all my ex;s. he's my best friend and the love of my life. always will be. "but it all boils down to on equoteable phrase.. 'If you love something, give it away'."
AND KEL,
I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE MY FRIEND OR THERE FOR ME IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE. I DON'T EXPECT YOU TO. BUT I DO EXPECT YOU TO BE AN ADULT AND HELP ME WITH TH EBILLS THAT ARE ON MY CREDIT. HALF OF IT RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE. ITS ONLY FAIR. IM GOING TO BE WORKING A SERVING JOB UP THE ASS TO GET THIS TAKIN CARE OF BECAUSE IF I DONT ILL GO TO JAIL. SO PLEASE. JUST BE AN ADULT AND MESSAGE ME SOMETIME SO I CAN TELL YOU HOW MUCH HALF IS.. THERE IS AN SRP AND A QUEST ONE. THANK YOU,.
whoa. i just got a load off my chest. i feel so good about things right now. i like chris's quote to sum it all up on how im looking at life lately:
"We are what we think. All that we are arises With our thoughts. With our thoughts, We make our world. There is no fire like passion, there is no shark like hatred, there is no snare like folly, there is no torrent like greed."---