if this is the last remnants of my writings i ever find...
I do not want to leave it at what is left below.
Going down memory lane always sounds like a good idea. Like, "Let's see how much I've grown!"
And though seeing your beginnings while trying to navigate this world is at least humbling, reviewing the moments your heart broke the worst is quite weird.
It's seriously strange to read the words where I wished to see his Self as I remembered him again, because I'm living it. Obviously, I remember the moment we had that conversation where we decided to give it another go. And obviously I remember the fights that led from rightful mistrust. I don't think I threw all my baskets in at once, but the beautiful part is I don't really remember the way those random fights died down and taking it day by day turned into 6 or 7 years.
So, in case this is the last journal I can ever log back into I'll catch myself up on all of the in between that lead me here before old age catches up and my memory starts to detach.
When we first moved into Sherbrooke Rd, we didnt even know what it meant to be adults yet. I never knew how to cook.
Soon we got the news of Jeff's promotion to Los Angeles. Something we decided hastily mostly because it was a new opportunity and would break the routine. I actually only now realized looking at my past entries that I had dreamt of moving to Hollywood, Los Angeles. Which is ultra strange because I don't recall that. Now, the fact that I effortlessly ended up here makes me feel like it could have been predestined. Something magical perhaps?
After we moved here, AA put us up with an apartment in Silverlake, and I was so excited to be here. When I went to see Hollywood I nearly cried. It's just disgusting. I hate it so much. For the nect 4 months, I cried nightly begging Jeff to go back home. But, soon enough, we found our own apartment (and chose to stay in Silverlake) and we made some life altering friends. I've been here counting 4 years now. I don't see us leaving. Maybe. Can't say anything is certain.
I've always wanted to be surrounded by people like me. For the first time, I have it. Being accepted and respected was interesting for someone like me. I didn't entirely realize it back when I was younger, but I was never comfortable in my own skin. I felt like noone wanted to hear what I thought or what I had to say. I always felt like they did me a favor by bringing me around. Never fit in with my own friends. Never fit in with my boyfriends friends. So I never really spoke with my voice. It's pretty amazing the kind of internal changes that come about as you become an adult. Or it could be the drugs.
I'm more myself now than I've ever known and it feels really good.
Anyway, I'm onto another chapter in my life. I can feel the pages turning. Jeff's job will soon be no more, so it's pushing him into whatever direction he ends up. I've been working on some entrepeuner shit. Not focusing on makeup anymore. Working as a Personal Advisor in Sephora Hollywood (which is so creepy since i wrote last in here about when I was starting sephora and hoping to end up in hollywood). Except now the excitment died down and I can't wait to get the fuck out of there. It feels a lot like it's coming to a close and the new chapter will be even more rewarding.
Oh, and we are hoping for babies. One or two cute babies.
With that, I sign off. If any one ever reads this I'm sure it will be a surprise to see a post from me. Especially one where the guy turns into my prince, and we're happily ever after minus all the horrible shit that goes on in the world every day.
Going down memory lane always sounds like a good idea. Like, "Let's see how much I've grown!"
And though seeing your beginnings while trying to navigate this world is at least humbling, reviewing the moments your heart broke the worst is quite weird.
It's seriously strange to read the words where I wished to see his Self as I remembered him again, because I'm living it. Obviously, I remember the moment we had that conversation where we decided to give it another go. And obviously I remember the fights that led from rightful mistrust. I don't think I threw all my baskets in at once, but the beautiful part is I don't really remember the way those random fights died down and taking it day by day turned into 6 or 7 years.
So, in case this is the last journal I can ever log back into I'll catch myself up on all of the in between that lead me here before old age catches up and my memory starts to detach.
When we first moved into Sherbrooke Rd, we didnt even know what it meant to be adults yet. I never knew how to cook.
Soon we got the news of Jeff's promotion to Los Angeles. Something we decided hastily mostly because it was a new opportunity and would break the routine. I actually only now realized looking at my past entries that I had dreamt of moving to Hollywood, Los Angeles. Which is ultra strange because I don't recall that. Now, the fact that I effortlessly ended up here makes me feel like it could have been predestined. Something magical perhaps?
After we moved here, AA put us up with an apartment in Silverlake, and I was so excited to be here. When I went to see Hollywood I nearly cried. It's just disgusting. I hate it so much. For the nect 4 months, I cried nightly begging Jeff to go back home. But, soon enough, we found our own apartment (and chose to stay in Silverlake) and we made some life altering friends. I've been here counting 4 years now. I don't see us leaving. Maybe. Can't say anything is certain.
I've always wanted to be surrounded by people like me. For the first time, I have it. Being accepted and respected was interesting for someone like me. I didn't entirely realize it back when I was younger, but I was never comfortable in my own skin. I felt like noone wanted to hear what I thought or what I had to say. I always felt like they did me a favor by bringing me around. Never fit in with my own friends. Never fit in with my boyfriends friends. So I never really spoke with my voice. It's pretty amazing the kind of internal changes that come about as you become an adult. Or it could be the drugs.
I'm more myself now than I've ever known and it feels really good.
Anyway, I'm onto another chapter in my life. I can feel the pages turning. Jeff's job will soon be no more, so it's pushing him into whatever direction he ends up. I've been working on some entrepeuner shit. Not focusing on makeup anymore. Working as a Personal Advisor in Sephora Hollywood (which is so creepy since i wrote last in here about when I was starting sephora and hoping to end up in hollywood). Except now the excitment died down and I can't wait to get the fuck out of there. It feels a lot like it's coming to a close and the new chapter will be even more rewarding.
Oh, and we are hoping for babies. One or two cute babies.
With that, I sign off. If any one ever reads this I'm sure it will be a surprise to see a post from me. Especially one where the guy turns into my prince, and we're happily ever after minus all the horrible shit that goes on in the world every day.