tears stream down your face.
"and i will try to fix you"...
yeah. that's all i need in this life, someone to fix me.
today i had two doctor's appointments. the first one was with my gastric bypass surgeon. he fruck out when he saw me and my new physical state. i think he wanted my sex. haha why? because he had his hand on my newly defined back for a frequent amount of time. then he was like, "i cant even remember what you looked like before". then he took my picture. even the lady that took my weight was like i had to check your chart to see that you had gastric bypass. my surgeon was even like, "you dont even look like you ever had the surgery." that made me feel better about myself. for a little bit at least.
then i had an appointment with a new psychologist. our goal is to silence the voices in my head that tell me i am worthless. everything i do is always scrutinized...by who you ask?
by myself.
it is a really big deal that i sought out professional help for myself. because i realize that there is something wrong with me that i need to work out. hopefully by the end of this dreadful summer in new jersey i'll be okay with myself. i doubt that will happen but at least i cant hope.
i get my hopes up for a lot of things. but i am usually let down.
one thing i got my hopes up for that will not let me down is joey fucking wallen. we had a heart to heart tonight and i seriously plan on going to his bday party upon which i will git er done.
and that's a promise.
yeah. that's all i need in this life, someone to fix me.
today i had two doctor's appointments. the first one was with my gastric bypass surgeon. he fruck out when he saw me and my new physical state. i think he wanted my sex. haha why? because he had his hand on my newly defined back for a frequent amount of time. then he was like, "i cant even remember what you looked like before". then he took my picture. even the lady that took my weight was like i had to check your chart to see that you had gastric bypass. my surgeon was even like, "you dont even look like you ever had the surgery." that made me feel better about myself. for a little bit at least.
then i had an appointment with a new psychologist. our goal is to silence the voices in my head that tell me i am worthless. everything i do is always scrutinized...by who you ask?
by myself.
it is a really big deal that i sought out professional help for myself. because i realize that there is something wrong with me that i need to work out. hopefully by the end of this dreadful summer in new jersey i'll be okay with myself. i doubt that will happen but at least i cant hope.
i get my hopes up for a lot of things. but i am usually let down.
one thing i got my hopes up for that will not let me down is joey fucking wallen. we had a heart to heart tonight and i seriously plan on going to his bday party upon which i will git er done.
and that's a promise.