My problems seem repetitive.
The people and places that once made this city feel like home have disappeared long before I arrived. I guess thats what I get for running so much. Awhile ago, I found myself seeking refuge here & the comfort that I sought was available to me at arm's reach. I can do as much running as I want, but this was always home. Where has that gone? I've spread myself too thin. I've stretched myself over the entire midwest only to discover that my heart has been missing this entire time.
So, what's it worth if your heart's not into it?
Something told me that this would of been the right place to start picking up the pieces, but I'm starting to think I'm only losing it more day by day. All my attempts at any sort of normalcy have almost always been completely futile. My family has rejected me to the greatest degree that they can allow themselves to. After all the things I've done, I've finally succeeded in blindly disappointing the two people that I love the most in this world. I never thought I would ever find myself in such an inadvertently emotionally abusive & draining "home". My safe haven that I had eagerly sought out appears to be long gone.
I'm too headstrong to admit to my own defeat -- a quality that, surprisingly, I still possess. Though, I can't help but feel as if moving back to St. Louis was my way of waving that white flag high above my head. But in my surrender, I could not have possibly predicted what was to await me back in this city. Oh, but what a handful we all have! Am I right?
But for now -- I'll take comfort in the idea that what I'm being handed is for the better. Someone up there wasn't going to let me off easy; my skin could use some thickening. I guess thats why bad things happen to good people.
But, that doesn't mean I wouldn't welcome a few shoulders to lean on.
< /end rant >
So, what's it worth if your heart's not into it?
Something told me that this would of been the right place to start picking up the pieces, but I'm starting to think I'm only losing it more day by day. All my attempts at any sort of normalcy have almost always been completely futile. My family has rejected me to the greatest degree that they can allow themselves to. After all the things I've done, I've finally succeeded in blindly disappointing the two people that I love the most in this world. I never thought I would ever find myself in such an inadvertently emotionally abusive & draining "home". My safe haven that I had eagerly sought out appears to be long gone.
I'm too headstrong to admit to my own defeat -- a quality that, surprisingly, I still possess. Though, I can't help but feel as if moving back to St. Louis was my way of waving that white flag high above my head. But in my surrender, I could not have possibly predicted what was to await me back in this city. Oh, but what a handful we all have! Am I right?
But for now -- I'll take comfort in the idea that what I'm being handed is for the better. Someone up there wasn't going to let me off easy; my skin could use some thickening. I guess thats why bad things happen to good people.
But, that doesn't mean I wouldn't welcome a few shoulders to lean on.
< /end rant >