(no subject)
Three months ago, I would of been ready to leave this city without turning back.
Now I'm not ready to leave.
I'm leaving behind people, places, intellect, conversations, late nights, and drives home that I'll never be able to replace. No matter how hard I try.
And everyone can tell me how everything is going to be okay, things will work themselves out, I'll find new friends, have a great life in Chicago, meet amazing people, and then still visit st. louis to see the old crowd.
I know, I know, I fucking know.
But that doesn't help me right now.
I've been the biggest (in the closet) wreck for the past few weeks.
I've been sitting in this exact spot crying my eyes out for hours at a time on a daily basis.
Growing up.
I've always been eager.
Ever since I was a toddler and put on my mother's lipstick and her pumps.
For once in my life -- I'm scared of growing up.
This is Linda admitting that shes not as emotionally mature as she'd like everyone to think.
This is Linda admitting that she gets fucking scared sometimes.
This is Linda admitting that yeah, sometimes shes human.
I remember last summer; drinking cheap vodka every night, sleeping on random floors, kissing strangers, being with people I loved every step along the way.
All of that has been replaced with credit, financial aid, fafsa, moving dates, how do we pay for this?, signing forms, deadlines, and saying goodbye.
Don't worry about me,
You know I'll get over it.
Now I'm not ready to leave.
I'm leaving behind people, places, intellect, conversations, late nights, and drives home that I'll never be able to replace. No matter how hard I try.
And everyone can tell me how everything is going to be okay, things will work themselves out, I'll find new friends, have a great life in Chicago, meet amazing people, and then still visit st. louis to see the old crowd.
I know, I know, I fucking know.
But that doesn't help me right now.
I've been the biggest (in the closet) wreck for the past few weeks.
I've been sitting in this exact spot crying my eyes out for hours at a time on a daily basis.
Growing up.
I've always been eager.
Ever since I was a toddler and put on my mother's lipstick and her pumps.
For once in my life -- I'm scared of growing up.
This is Linda admitting that shes not as emotionally mature as she'd like everyone to think.
This is Linda admitting that she gets fucking scared sometimes.
This is Linda admitting that yeah, sometimes shes human.
I remember last summer; drinking cheap vodka every night, sleeping on random floors, kissing strangers, being with people I loved every step along the way.
All of that has been replaced with credit, financial aid, fafsa, moving dates, how do we pay for this?, signing forms, deadlines, and saying goodbye.
Don't worry about me,
You know I'll get over it.