It's 3:01 PM
I haven't been sleeping much at all, so little that last night I think I went to bed only an hour or so before my alarm went off. I stayed home from school today, and I took a shower and got ready for work and called my mom to tell her I was coming now (since I was coming in early) and she said to stay home. I didn't put up a fight. I stayed in my room and watched Lost in Translation. I want something like that. I've been wanting something like that forever, it seems. I don't know. I'd give anything. I'm going to New York from June 23rd to July 8th, I think. Maybe I'll meet someone like that there. Maybe. I called Vitaly just now and left him a voicemail telling him I loved him. He told me once to do it, and be serious. So I did. I was as serious as I could be. I couldn't help but feel funny leaving that message. I was on the side of my house talking in a low voice because I didn't want anyone to hear me. Why didn't I want anyone to hear me? I want to update this journal on the side of my house. I also want a cigarette. But I'm my room in the middle of the floor with a blanket on me because I'm cold. It's cold in my room. It's 81 degrees outside right now. Couldn't ask for a more beautiful day. Mhy blinds are pulled all the way up. There's a fire in Anaheim Hills, about 20 minutes north of here. The sky has an orange tint to it. The sunlight looks orange like at dusk and the shadows are falling early. You can smell the difference in the air. It looks like sunset with a blueish yellow sky. I looked at my feet when I was outside. I was standing in ashes. The air looks foggy, but it's not. It's just filled with ash. It's hot, but windy. A warm wind though. It almost feels like summer. I don't think I could ever leave the desert. It's 3:11 PM now. 3:12. It looks like it's 6:00 outside. There's a wasp flying outside my window. I remember the fire we had a few summers ago. The ashes in the air would burn your eyes. Everytime you went outside you had to brush yourself off. Everything was grey. Except the sky. It was on fire. Everyone was coughing. It smelled like it was burning outside. It was. This fire was south though, San Diego area. I had a friend whose family had to evacuate their homes in Poway. I remember when Julian burned down years ago. Garrett was camping and had to come home early. There's a seagull flying by, way up in the air. I could never leave this place forever. I love it here. We have everything. We are everything. Desert, beach, hill, mountain. Coyotes, dolphins, and bears and mountain lions. I don't know. It's pretty crazy when I think about it. This is the most beautiful place I've ever been. 3:20. Most of the time writing this was spent looking out my window.