idle thoughts, finally provoked to activate.
here we go, another complaint regarding jamestown. what a bore i've realized it's getting to be, though. maybe not necessarily jamestown, maybe it's just my years of lacking motivation and effort, and idle potential. maybe it's just the what i consider below mediocre lifestyle i've lived. maybe it's just the what seems to be constant exhaustion. i find myself living the same bland events daily. jamestown in my perspective is nothing but restaraunts, dumpy bars, pharmacies and dollar stores. rubbish, basically. once my friends and i have driven to walmart and the mall twice every evening, hit up the local coffee shop, gone to gurnsey and leave with the same dissapointment every time, and burned up a tank of gas driving around aimlessly, we find there's nothing left this town has to offer except go find a place to get fucked up or sit online on myspace all fucking night, where this town has met half of our aquaintances. it's getting old. i scroll down and read previous journal entries, and i barely see any that don't include the line, "we got so baked." "we got fucked up.".
don't get me wrong, i appreciate the simple things, and there really are some beautiful people in jamestown if people'd take the time to get to know them instead of judging them and automatically concluding they hate everyone in jamestown, but i think i'm just thirsty for opportunity and change. i love my friends and family and nothing matters to me more than the mutual loving them and being loved in return with them. hell, i'd rather remain in the same lifestyle i am now, take advantage of what's handed to me for as long as possible rather than have to abandon my friends and family and move somewhere where i don't fucking know anybody, living in a small apartment or a dorm, just barely making it by on my income, probably sharing it with others if we're not drowning in debt, working half the day and spending the other half at school, wallowing in exhaustion and stress, because i'm in too much of a hurry to 'grow up'. but i suppose that's what builds character, knowing what you want and devestating yourself to it. we all have different standards. i'm starting to conclude more and more each day that college does not guarantee you success. it can be a waste of time and capital. the demand for jobs in the economy these days is overwhelming and competitive. and i think liberal arts, well you mine as well flush your money down the toilet if you're in college with no fucking idea of what you want to do the rest of your life. and if you do succeed, that you're not shelling out half of your income to pay back the loans you had to take out to pay for your education.
maybe i just need a vacation.
maybe i just need a swift kick in the ass.