(no subject)
It's 6:22 in the morning and I haven't gone to sleep yet.
Around 5 I got bored and thirsty so I walked to the store for orange soda and junk food and when I got back, I developed an extreme irritation for the fact there are three pieces of candy in a Take 5 candy bar. Why would they not just make the pieces smaller so that they could have five of them?
My god, that's irritating.
Now I'm sitting in my underwear, watching the entire first season of Lipstick Jungle on Hulu even though it's terrible and I should be sleeping so that I can get up in a couple hours and try and find a job. I just can't help myself. I know not what I do.
This whole job search thing has been so incredibly frustrating because it doesn't matter what I apply for, jobs I'm qualified for, jobs I'm under-qualified for, jobs I'm monstrously over-qualified for, I'm getting little to no response. That whole Admin. thing with Stoudemire's would have been amazing, it bums the hell out of me that I didn't fight harder for that position. But I did fight, that's the important thing. I didn't not try. It just makes very little sense to me that complete fucktards who can't even operate a computer are hired for jobs over me (and don't say "Well Morgan, I seriously doubt that's what is happening." Trust me, I have evidence, as I carried on a friendship with one of these alleged fucktards.) I thought it was my resume, so I changed that. I thought it was my cover letter, so I changed that. If I could get a flipping interview, I would think, perhaps, it's my outfit or my demeanor or my hair or the fact that I suspect I have a covert lazy-eye that is visible only in pictures and interviews for jobs I really want.
Harley thinks I don't want a job, which really sucks when you're trying not to feel like a grade-A loser about your lack-of-job and then you have to try and assure someone you love that it's not that you don't want it, it's that they don't want to give it to you. I'm getting it from all sides, then to top it off, some homeless guy said hello to me on my way to the store and I said hello back although I was in super-cautious predator mode because it was still sort-of dark out and I've been watching too much Burn Notice so I'm all crazy darty-eyed with the glancing down alleyways and such. Anyway, tangent. I said hello and then he walked past me and said "Going to work?" and I laughed and said "Yeah." Do you know what he responded, intarwebs? Do you know, because I know.
"Yeah, right."
What?
Yeah right?
Even random homeless guy knows I am currently jobless? Seriously? Just shoot me now. Make it quick and painless because I can't take much more of this.
GIVE ME A JOB. I'm a hardworker and I learn quick and I want to make people smile and I'm smart and I know all the standard programs and I remember people's names which is a desirable quality in a receptionist and I'll get up at 5, if I have to and I'll get coffee and answer phones and put papers into file folders and then into filing cabinets and then into databases of information and I know everyone doesn't just luck into easy jobs and I don't want an easy job I just want a job because I'm not at the point where I can make a sole living off of my art and I JUST WANT TO MAKE MY OWN MONEY AGAIN AND STOP MAKING PEOPLE FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF ME.
I haven't sold a painting since April. COME ON.
I'm in a slump that I can't get myself out of. I'm mud on mud on mud on mud. I'm quicksand. I'm a chicken drowning in the rain and it sucks. I'm losing perspective because it's seven in the morning and I'm tired but I can't sleep and I have so much to do and I haven't started on piece for the July show at Firehouse and I vowed to be done by Friday.
Hello, Friday! Stop looking at me with such great expectations, please. It makes my lazy-eye act up.
Someone call me right now. Do it.
6:46
Around 5 I got bored and thirsty so I walked to the store for orange soda and junk food and when I got back, I developed an extreme irritation for the fact there are three pieces of candy in a Take 5 candy bar. Why would they not just make the pieces smaller so that they could have five of them?
My god, that's irritating.
Now I'm sitting in my underwear, watching the entire first season of Lipstick Jungle on Hulu even though it's terrible and I should be sleeping so that I can get up in a couple hours and try and find a job. I just can't help myself. I know not what I do.
This whole job search thing has been so incredibly frustrating because it doesn't matter what I apply for, jobs I'm qualified for, jobs I'm under-qualified for, jobs I'm monstrously over-qualified for, I'm getting little to no response. That whole Admin. thing with Stoudemire's would have been amazing, it bums the hell out of me that I didn't fight harder for that position. But I did fight, that's the important thing. I didn't not try. It just makes very little sense to me that complete fucktards who can't even operate a computer are hired for jobs over me (and don't say "Well Morgan, I seriously doubt that's what is happening." Trust me, I have evidence, as I carried on a friendship with one of these alleged fucktards.) I thought it was my resume, so I changed that. I thought it was my cover letter, so I changed that. If I could get a flipping interview, I would think, perhaps, it's my outfit or my demeanor or my hair or the fact that I suspect I have a covert lazy-eye that is visible only in pictures and interviews for jobs I really want.
Harley thinks I don't want a job, which really sucks when you're trying not to feel like a grade-A loser about your lack-of-job and then you have to try and assure someone you love that it's not that you don't want it, it's that they don't want to give it to you. I'm getting it from all sides, then to top it off, some homeless guy said hello to me on my way to the store and I said hello back although I was in super-cautious predator mode because it was still sort-of dark out and I've been watching too much Burn Notice so I'm all crazy darty-eyed with the glancing down alleyways and such. Anyway, tangent. I said hello and then he walked past me and said "Going to work?" and I laughed and said "Yeah." Do you know what he responded, intarwebs? Do you know, because I know.
"Yeah, right."
What?
Yeah right?
Even random homeless guy knows I am currently jobless? Seriously? Just shoot me now. Make it quick and painless because I can't take much more of this.
GIVE ME A JOB. I'm a hardworker and I learn quick and I want to make people smile and I'm smart and I know all the standard programs and I remember people's names which is a desirable quality in a receptionist and I'll get up at 5, if I have to and I'll get coffee and answer phones and put papers into file folders and then into filing cabinets and then into databases of information and I know everyone doesn't just luck into easy jobs and I don't want an easy job I just want a job because I'm not at the point where I can make a sole living off of my art and I JUST WANT TO MAKE MY OWN MONEY AGAIN AND STOP MAKING PEOPLE FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF ME.
I haven't sold a painting since April. COME ON.
I'm in a slump that I can't get myself out of. I'm mud on mud on mud on mud. I'm quicksand. I'm a chicken drowning in the rain and it sucks. I'm losing perspective because it's seven in the morning and I'm tired but I can't sleep and I have so much to do and I haven't started on piece for the July show at Firehouse and I vowed to be done by Friday.
Hello, Friday! Stop looking at me with such great expectations, please. It makes my lazy-eye act up.
Someone call me right now. Do it.
6:46