(no subject)
i havent taken my sweats off in days.
a shower hasnt even really came to mind.
i just want to lay in bed.
andrew died christmas eve.
tom walked into jeff's front door and told us.
its hard to even remember what i thought at that moment.
all i know is i had to get up and go to the bathroom.
we went to the hospital.
were the first ones there.
saw his hysterical mom.
hugged her.
went in to see him.
i honestly couldnt handle it the first time.
but when it came around to my third time,
i held his hand.
everyone was at the hospital.
i hugged patty right when i saw him.
he was so upset.
when jimmy walked up i walked up to him and we just hugged and cried.
so many people were there.
jeff and tom made me so sad.
seeing ryan martinez so upset really hurt my heart.
ang didnt call for a long time, she was in church.
when i finally got a hold of her, i told her, and couldnt breathe.
i told her she had to come now.
she came, and that was so hard.
we just hugged and cried.
we went in together and saw him.
i wish autumn could have been there.
and derek. they were like the only ones that couldnt come.
christmas sucked.
so bad.
i didnt get out of bed until 1.
i didnt want to open presents.
i opened them and went back to bed and cried.
went to aunt carols in my sweats.
on the way there, we took 696,
and i balled my eyes out.
all i could see was him flipping.
there hasnt been one minute that i havent thought about you, andrew.
not one minute.
come back; everyone needs you.
i love you and miss you already.
did this really happen?
oh god, no.
please, no.
i smoked three cigarettes today.
i just didnt care i guess.
i dont feel like talking at all.
the viewings tomorrow.
and after that, im getting fucked up.
only for you, babyy.
a shower hasnt even really came to mind.
i just want to lay in bed.
andrew died christmas eve.
tom walked into jeff's front door and told us.
its hard to even remember what i thought at that moment.
all i know is i had to get up and go to the bathroom.
we went to the hospital.
were the first ones there.
saw his hysterical mom.
hugged her.
went in to see him.
i honestly couldnt handle it the first time.
but when it came around to my third time,
i held his hand.
everyone was at the hospital.
i hugged patty right when i saw him.
he was so upset.
when jimmy walked up i walked up to him and we just hugged and cried.
so many people were there.
jeff and tom made me so sad.
seeing ryan martinez so upset really hurt my heart.
ang didnt call for a long time, she was in church.
when i finally got a hold of her, i told her, and couldnt breathe.
i told her she had to come now.
she came, and that was so hard.
we just hugged and cried.
we went in together and saw him.
i wish autumn could have been there.
and derek. they were like the only ones that couldnt come.
christmas sucked.
so bad.
i didnt get out of bed until 1.
i didnt want to open presents.
i opened them and went back to bed and cried.
went to aunt carols in my sweats.
on the way there, we took 696,
and i balled my eyes out.
all i could see was him flipping.
there hasnt been one minute that i havent thought about you, andrew.
not one minute.
come back; everyone needs you.
i love you and miss you already.
did this really happen?
oh god, no.
please, no.
i smoked three cigarettes today.
i just didnt care i guess.
i dont feel like talking at all.
the viewings tomorrow.
and after that, im getting fucked up.
only for you, babyy.