(no subject)
Forgive me Father .. for I have sinned.
So .. I did something last night that I shouldn't have. Actually two things. And I feel like a complete idiot for doing them. I am leading such a mediocre lifestyle. So much that it makes me want to cry. I am completely in the dark. And I am having a hard time right now. I don't know if I am putting it on myself or what. I just need God right now.
I went to see Randy in the hospital last night. He is in intensive care. It is so scary. I just seen him last weekend .. and now he is in intensive care. Makes me see how fast you can lose something.
And so then I start thinking about my Mom. && how she is so overprotective of me. Mainly because she doesn't want to lose me. And it makes me want to cry. And I remember my dad. Who wasn't ever really a dad. Who I never see. And who is such a dickhead to my mom and won't even pay his whole child support. But he can go out and buy 4 cars and 2 motocycles. It pisses me off. Rich bit*h.
&& im tired of pretending. Or lieing to myself. It's not fair to me. Or anyone else. And I know i've said this before .. but i'll say it again .. I want to change.