(no subject)
I'm wasting my life away. I'm boring.
I can't keep friends because I don't have money to go out to places with them. So they don't want to hang out with me.
It's my own fault. I'm not blaming anyone else but myself. I know what I have to do, but I haven't done anything to better myself in anyway.
I'm losing people left and right in my life because of my lack of confidence and my negativity.
Apparently I'm never going to be good enough for anyone.
The one person I love, gave up on me.
No one else really cares that much.
No one tries to stay into contact with me unless they need ME to talk too.
But if I try to talk to them, it's a completely different story because they just don't want to hear it anymore.
And I really don't blame them. I'm a lost cause. Seriously.
I really do need to do something with myself. I just don't know what.
I don't know what I want to be, who I am, or who I want to be.
I keep thinking about it, but my mind is just so filled with words, thoughts, questions, answers, quotes, everything, that I can't even focus anymore. Everything is a giant blur to me. I have constant headaches from crying and thinking so much. I've started to cut again. But I only feel worse after it.
I listen to music constantly, but that isn't helping me anymore.
Tomorrow is Mother's Day. I have absolutely no money to get my mom anything. And I feel absolutely horrible about it. My mom means everything to me and more and I can't even get her a card or something. I was thinking about writing her a letter, but I have no idea what I would say in it. Or if she would even appreciate that I care so much about her.
I can't keep living like this. I really do need to do something. I'm going too. As soon as I wake up on Monday, I am walking across town, and I am going to find myself a job. I need a fucking job. I need a fucking job. I need a fucking job. I need money. I need money. I need money.
I have to better myself. I have to better myself. I have to better myself. I have to better myself. I have to better myself. I have to better myself.
I can't give up on myself. Not yet. Not like this.
I can't keep friends because I don't have money to go out to places with them. So they don't want to hang out with me.
It's my own fault. I'm not blaming anyone else but myself. I know what I have to do, but I haven't done anything to better myself in anyway.
I'm losing people left and right in my life because of my lack of confidence and my negativity.
Apparently I'm never going to be good enough for anyone.
The one person I love, gave up on me.
No one else really cares that much.
No one tries to stay into contact with me unless they need ME to talk too.
But if I try to talk to them, it's a completely different story because they just don't want to hear it anymore.
And I really don't blame them. I'm a lost cause. Seriously.
I really do need to do something with myself. I just don't know what.
I don't know what I want to be, who I am, or who I want to be.
I keep thinking about it, but my mind is just so filled with words, thoughts, questions, answers, quotes, everything, that I can't even focus anymore. Everything is a giant blur to me. I have constant headaches from crying and thinking so much. I've started to cut again. But I only feel worse after it.
I listen to music constantly, but that isn't helping me anymore.
Tomorrow is Mother's Day. I have absolutely no money to get my mom anything. And I feel absolutely horrible about it. My mom means everything to me and more and I can't even get her a card or something. I was thinking about writing her a letter, but I have no idea what I would say in it. Or if she would even appreciate that I care so much about her.
I can't keep living like this. I really do need to do something. I'm going too. As soon as I wake up on Monday, I am walking across town, and I am going to find myself a job. I need a fucking job. I need a fucking job. I need a fucking job. I need money. I need money. I need money.
I have to better myself. I have to better myself. I have to better myself. I have to better myself. I have to better myself. I have to better myself.
I can't give up on myself. Not yet. Not like this.