Through the Rabbit Hole
[edit] i went looking for this essay because i found myself in a very moody and artistic mind frame. i realized that most of my heartbreaks were followed by an essay, usually turned into school and the only ones receiving good grades. i made it public for whoever cares to read... it still makes me cry i'm not going to lie. probably the best writing i've ever done. click the link to read. [edit]
Well, I was up until 3:00 this morning writing, but I finally got it. Its about 2 and a half pages double spaced and I can't even go to class to bring it in becuase I can't walk. Fuck. But it really is a beautiful descriptive essay I think, and I'm quite proud of it. I actually proof read this one. I'll LJ cut it if you care to read. Let me know how you think it flows or if you got the "message" or not. I'm thinking its an A paper but I'm not sure...
The room pulsated and thrived with the beats of each percussion. Multicolored lights stabbed through the dark, then quickly made their way across the room revealing breathless college students as they moved with the rhythm.
She clutched her Miller Lite nervously while peering through the darkness in a feeble attempt to find him amongst the fleeting fluorescent lights. From the outside of the room she watched as the faces of future America swayed with the beat of Justin Timberlake. Wooden paddles with proud men’s names inscribed in a row hung in order across the wall next to the large white painted letters TKE.
Turning to meet her name screamed from behind, she suddenly felt jarred out of place. From the left side a large mass of human sweat and Abercrombie and Fitch invaded her personal space with an unwelcome amount of pressure at an alarming speed. The beer and its shallow contents slowly fell to the floor. Halfway from meeting its destination, it stopped.
The beer froze, sideways in space and time. The pounding and beating of the room silenced and all focus was on the pale blue aluminum can defying gravity. Her mind wheeled. The room faded to white and she found herself sitting on a couch across from a black television screen listening to music from a Dell computer sitting on a computer desk next to the TV.
The beer hit the cream carpet with a soft, barely audible thud as the bitter brown liquid splashed onto the carpet. She looked up at him, her eyes filling with tears salty enough to make the ocean jealous. He avoided her stare. Everything about him made her weak. He knew this. One thing she wasn’t sure of was why she had fallen for him so hard and so fast.
He certainly wasn’t Johnny Depp, or anywhere near Brad Pitt. His tousled tawny hair matched his cold brown eyes which complimented his round childish face that hid the fact he was 20. His short stocky build was dressed in a barely amusing tee shirt which matched the plaid lines in his pants. But somehow she loved him.
The word was sour in her mind. Love wasn’t something she was accustomed to. He had barged into her life and taken her self assurance as well as her heart. But he had taken something much more; her friendship. This bastard had taken the closest friendship she’d ever had with a man and turned her trust into something she couldn’t hold on to any longer.
The screensaver on the computer flashed pictures of familiar faces in familiar places towards her at speeds she couldn’t keep up with. Their friendship was there, on that computer screen almost mocking her existence. It was over, the laughs, the jokes, the intimacy, and it was all over.
With one sentence he changed her whole emotional state of being. He dropped those seven words like an anchor into the sea of tears and beer at her feet. “I’m sorry, I don’t love you anymore.”
The room spun out of control as an annoying thumping and overwhelming darkness took its place. A black and white checkered linoleum floor shook itself into existence underneath her feet as she watched the remaining contents of a Miller Lite darken a white square as it fell recklessly. A thin handsome fraternity boy appeared at her side with a drunken smile and laughed at her for getting so startled.
Two friendly faces appeared over her right shoulder and joyously told her how much they’d loved her coming to visit them at college. The boy with the beautiful charcoal hair and piercing black eyes grabbed her arm and beckoned her to follow him. She felt his thin 22 year old frame embrace her in a sweaty beer filled hug. He clumsily grabbed her arm and dragged her in the direction of the kitchen. She stumbled after him as she looked back and watched her jealous friends wink at her.
Was this friendship? Was this happiness? Her mind wandered to what friendship really meant. Was it the desire to love someone, or the knowledge that even letting go means saving the person that means the most to you? Perhaps it meant giving the space needed to figure out where you stand in life, and with whom you want to spend the rest of it. Just because she was broken didn’t mean it was over. Either way her thoughts were far from that tiny kitchen at a fraternity party, following a beautiful boy who spoke seven words to her, “Baby you’re down, lets get another beer.”