le disko
Time for an actual update and what's more, not in verse.
I have a job. Finally. I am an official concessions seller for Two River Theatre in Red Bank. I sell over-priced snacks to theatre-goers, then sit there during the show and wait to sell snacks, then clean up said snacks. And get paid for it. The 3 other people they hired to do the job are all unattractive boys who say annoying things, but I will be working on my own whenever I do work, so, whatever. I am just extremely happy to be able to spend more time in that theatre. I'm hoping that somewhere down the line, I will be able to make some connections etc. and get more of a legit job there, but for now, selling peanut M&M's will suffice.
So I am ok about the Mike situation, or the non-Mike situation. Not too much to say on that subject. I have a lurking feeling that he is going to start closing up to me more and more. He is becomming pretty cold towards me. But I am fine with giving him loads of space if things are going to be like this.
Last night I had myself a couple of sentimental moments. I looked through almost every picture I have on my computer from high school, and started reading old Mike conversations. A lot made sense to me. People change, feelings change.
I realized that I compromised a lot of who I am to be in that relationship, because from the outside it looked perfect to me. He was sweet, gentle, careful, safe, and pretty much what I needed in the spring of my sophomore after some rocky times. And it made so much sense as a high school relationship. We were perfect at the movies, and laughed a lot sitting across from each other over strawberry lemonade at Chili's. We had our secret spots where we went to makeout, and we had our songs. It made sense. It didn't delve deep or ask questions. And that was ok for awhile. But I am who I am and he is who he is.
And I am settling back into who I am, and slowly inching towards more of a definitive "me".
I'm enjoying the process.
I am suffering from senioritis, and in attempts to soothe it, I have been filling my life in little ways with little adventures. I'm spending time with new people (actually, person, really) as well as making attempts at becomming closer with my sisters. Or at least dance with them. Or drive with them. And enjoying in-between moments. And enjoying standing still with people who I feel comfortable standing still with.
This is pretty terribly written. FYI.
As for college...well...I see myself, a year from now, looking out my window and seeing the snow-covered greens of Lincoln Park in Chicago. But in a month, if I get a letter from Emerson, that may change.
Anyway, I think I am going to end this, because it is painful for me to read it.
The general idea is, I'm doing well. I'm happy. And there is soooooo much subtext/subliminal messages I hope to have snuck in or wish I could have snuck in, because that is my existence now. Subtext. Wow. Revelation. Hm.
Time to fall asleep to Death Cab =)
Happy Thursday.
I have a job. Finally. I am an official concessions seller for Two River Theatre in Red Bank. I sell over-priced snacks to theatre-goers, then sit there during the show and wait to sell snacks, then clean up said snacks. And get paid for it. The 3 other people they hired to do the job are all unattractive boys who say annoying things, but I will be working on my own whenever I do work, so, whatever. I am just extremely happy to be able to spend more time in that theatre. I'm hoping that somewhere down the line, I will be able to make some connections etc. and get more of a legit job there, but for now, selling peanut M&M's will suffice.
So I am ok about the Mike situation, or the non-Mike situation. Not too much to say on that subject. I have a lurking feeling that he is going to start closing up to me more and more. He is becomming pretty cold towards me. But I am fine with giving him loads of space if things are going to be like this.
Last night I had myself a couple of sentimental moments. I looked through almost every picture I have on my computer from high school, and started reading old Mike conversations. A lot made sense to me. People change, feelings change.
I realized that I compromised a lot of who I am to be in that relationship, because from the outside it looked perfect to me. He was sweet, gentle, careful, safe, and pretty much what I needed in the spring of my sophomore after some rocky times. And it made so much sense as a high school relationship. We were perfect at the movies, and laughed a lot sitting across from each other over strawberry lemonade at Chili's. We had our secret spots where we went to makeout, and we had our songs. It made sense. It didn't delve deep or ask questions. And that was ok for awhile. But I am who I am and he is who he is.
And I am settling back into who I am, and slowly inching towards more of a definitive "me".
I'm enjoying the process.
I am suffering from senioritis, and in attempts to soothe it, I have been filling my life in little ways with little adventures. I'm spending time with new people (actually, person, really) as well as making attempts at becomming closer with my sisters. Or at least dance with them. Or drive with them. And enjoying in-between moments. And enjoying standing still with people who I feel comfortable standing still with.
This is pretty terribly written. FYI.
As for college...well...I see myself, a year from now, looking out my window and seeing the snow-covered greens of Lincoln Park in Chicago. But in a month, if I get a letter from Emerson, that may change.
Anyway, I think I am going to end this, because it is painful for me to read it.
The general idea is, I'm doing well. I'm happy. And there is soooooo much subtext/subliminal messages I hope to have snuck in or wish I could have snuck in, because that is my existence now. Subtext. Wow. Revelation. Hm.
Time to fall asleep to Death Cab =)
Happy Thursday.